I started out this summer full of hope and optimism. Teaching is, as many of you know, a calling placed in our hearts. I don't think that I could be happy without teaching.
The end of summer is rapidly approaching, and every school that I applied to has rejected me. Most weren't even kind enough to call.
I've missed my student loan payments because of my state of absolute poverty. I spend more and more time alone, avoiding everyone. I cry without reason. Sleeping is difficult, but after two days of staying awake I'll sleep for the next sixteen hours.
I have applied to schools near and far, but no one seems to think that I would make a good choice. I don't know how to start picking up the pieces of my life. What scares me the most is that I've reached a point where I really don't want to. I feel like curling up and dying. I didn't spend the last four years of my life in school so that I could run coffee around an office, but it seems like that's what I'll end up doing. (If, that is, someone thinks I'm qualified.)
Please, has anyone out there given serious thought to suicide before? I just can't get these thoughts out of my head and my heart. The post-college job hunt has shattered my self-esteem and frightened me to the point of losing all hope. The thought of anyone close to me finding out how desperate and alone I feel terrifies me. I just feel like a worthless person in an inescapable situation.
YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM A BAD CASE OF DEPRESSION! You need to seek professional help immediately. Go see a doctor or a psychiatrist. They can give you medication to lift you out of this. After that try applying to be a teacher's aide or a substitute. You will not be able to get a job until you get out of your despair. This is what is preventing you from focusing on your job search. Everyone has thoughts of sadness but this is really serious. You need to go to a doctor to pick up the pieces and you need to get counseling to see what you can use a teaching degree for. Right now you need medical help before you do anything elswe. Make an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow. Hope you feel more positive. Terry G.
If you are being serious please get yourself some help! Find someone (preferably a professional) you can talk to to provide you some help and guidance---
We can offer support here but we are sure not able to help you with something like this.
As for advise on the job situation. A lot of teachers ARE hired in August. I am not sure of your location or what the departments are like where you are but here we have a human resources/teacher recruitment team that assists teachers searching for jobs. I was fortunate to get a job after a few interviews but I ALSO work in the middle of the inner city in a school that many people would consider undesirable to work in. I've made it work for me. Who knows something may come up unexpectedly.
Perhaps you need to take a year off to work a job that will allow you the flexibility to take care of yourself as well so that you will be able to help the kids. It is VERY hard to help the kids when you are a mess yourself.
Oh my, you sound so discouraged. We all have been at that low place at one time or another in our lives. It sounds like you really need to talk to somebody. Find a friend, priest a minister or a therapist. You need to get yourself in good shape so that you can be strong and positive for the children with whom you want to teach. It's so easy to feel discouraged and rejected when a job search isn't going well, but when you least expect it things will turn around. Don't be afraid to explore other avenues, or go through a temp service to make ends meet for awhile. I know of a lot of people who have started as subs, or after school program folks and when an opening, or maternity leave occurred they made their way in. If you are called to be a teacher, you will certainly land there when the right opportunity comes your way. Most student loans can be deferred, you should contact your loan company right away and see if you can do that. Otherwise, I don't know that they can do a whole lot to you. You may be suffering from a chemical imbalance, it sounds like you really need some help. Sometimes a Zoloft or one of those meds works wonders, when it's really needed, don't be afraid to try it. Mostly, just give it some time and don't be afraid to lean on family or friends, or to reach out for help through an agency (Catholic Charities is really good). God bless and keep you through this difficult time, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Suicide is never the answer. Please get some help - call a mental health professional ASAP. In the meantime there are many suicide helplines you can call and talk with someone. One national number is 1-800-273-talk(8255).
Also, contact your lenders for your student loans, often you can qualify for a reduction in your monthly payments or a deferment if you can't afford to pay them at this time. Please call then and see what your options are!!
I hope you get some help and that things start to go better for you.
I've felt like that before... I would have never done that simply because I love my children and family too much. Being rejected so many times over and over it heartwrenching. But eventually, if you stick with it, something will come your way. You can sub you can apply for long term positions, you could become a para?
Please, after you call a hotline, get back to us and let us know how you're doing.
There is NO JOB In the world worth what you're going through. In the final analysis, it's just a job. And, as you read the posts here, you'll see that a huge number of incredibly qualified wonderful teachers are in the same boat as you are. It's not a question of "not being wanted"; more a case of not finding the right spot yet.
Please get some help- talk to anyone! It is normal to feel so sad and depressed sometimes- but if you are seriously considering suicide, you need to go to your doctor immediately. Just as Teresa stated your doctor can give you medicine to help you feel better. Please know that you CAN feel better.
I know how it feels to be rejected and to mail out application after application and not get any calls. So many of us on here are in the same boat. Like you, I started the summer with so much optimism- it's pretty much depleted now... It's hard to go to school, put so much time, energy and money into the one thing you truly want to do, and then not get a job. I know how you feel.
But there is nothing you can do except keep applying if possible. And try to stay above the clouds. Have plan B and be prepared to substitute.
Please follow the advice above! Your health is way more important than a job! Talk to somebody who can help you. Take care and hang in there. You're just going through a rough storm right now. It'll pass, trust me!
You must take this seriously, permanent record. Several teachers on these boards have talked before about dealing with their depression. I wouldn't suggest that you talk about this with just anybody. You need a medical professional now. Call a hotline immediately. Then let us know that you did. Please!
