I have gotten myself into quite the large hole.
I'm a Special Education teacher in Baltimore, MD. I began teaching through the Baltimore City Teaching Residency and therefore haven't gone to school for teaching, let alone Special Education. I worked in schools throughout college but this is entirely different. I've been transfered from one school to another already, in October, and have had my content switched from Special Ed Language Arts and Social Studies (I was an English major, so this was a good fit) to Special Ed Language Arts, Social Studies, Science, and Math, with my group of VERY VARIED 7th and 8th graders in my room all day with the exception of their SPAR class.
Kids alone are awesome. Well, we have our problems but I can deal with them. It's the administration. Heck, it's all the adults in the building. I stay at work til 8pm every night but I still get nothing I need done. There is always something more that is needed from me that I have no idea what it is. I didn't go to school for Special Ed... I'm just learning as I go. This is craziness. I have spent $4000+ on supplies for our classroom, and I don't mind that, but I feel as if no one is meeting me halfway. I am told continually what is WRONG and hardly ever what is working. I don't feel respected or appreciated and I dread each day.
I dread the adults. I don't dread my students. I love my students.
Anyway, I've been out of work for 3 days now due to an absolute nervous breakdown and the worst part is I haven't talked to my school about it. I've been going back and forth between quitting and not quitting and I can't come to any kind of decision. I don't know what to say to my school so I don't say anything... and the days drag on. Today is Friday.
I'm not hoping to get hired again next year. I don't even have certification. I want more than anything to go to Graduate school full-time to get my Master's and certification. So I'm not worried about "getting a good review," which, hrm, is obviously out the window now. But I do want to finish the year if it's possible. I need some of this PRESSURE to be alleviated. I put quite enough pressure on myself without constant abuse from others in the school. I WANT to make things better. I still do, even sitting here staying home from school, I'm just not sure how.
Any advice on what I could say when I go back to school on Monday (that's the plan, at least)? If I'm not fired already? I was wrong to not go to work, and I know that, and I'm very sorry, but I don't want to just bow down and apologize for everything. That kind of thinking and action drove me to this point. How can I be assertive yet humble?