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  #1  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:20 AM
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Teachling Teachling is offline
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How does this sound?

I'm doing a short little note for my team mates and I've been working on this sentence that I'm not sure of--

As a token of appreciation, here are a few little things that hopefully will bring you some comfort by offering

- A smile for its Silliness
- opportunity for creativity
- Enhancement of your technological abilities
- quick Energy boost spike when needed

I need input from some of you great writers! Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:25 AM
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Myrisophilist Myrisophilist is offline
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Can you expand on what exactly you're not sure of?
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  #3  
Old 08-13-2013, 11:30 AM
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DizneeTeachR DizneeTeachR is offline
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It sounds a little funeral-ish....I think the comfort and offering in same sentence that's what I think of...what if you used the first part of sentence then went to "few little things to help you during the day ( or your day)."

Or just Here are a few little things as a small token of my appreciation to help you start of the year...

Just throwing it out there...
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  #4  
Old 08-13-2013, 02:39 PM
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iheartrecess iheartrecess is offline
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What are these going with?
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Check out CLUTTER-FREE CLASSROOM for daily CLASSROOM ORGANIZATION & MANAGEMENT tips & photos & snag FREE PRINTABLES & RESOURCES
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  #5  
Old 08-13-2013, 08:17 PM
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Teachling Teachling is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DizneeTeachR View Post
It sounds a little funeral-ish....I think the comfort and offering in same sentence that's what I think of...what if you used the first part of sentence then went to "few little things to help you during the day ( or your day)."

Or just Here are a few little things as a small token of my appreciation to help you start of the year...

Just throwing it out there...
yes that's exactly the type of feedback I was looking for, the tone. It just wasn't sounding how I wanted it to sound, more exciting, cheerful... Thanks!
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  #6  
Old 08-13-2013, 08:19 PM
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Teachling Teachling is offline
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Iheart, I was concern with the tone and also was looking to make it more of a boost morale type of message.
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  #7  
Old 08-13-2013, 09:28 PM
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DizneeTeachR DizneeTeachR is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teachling View Post
yes that's exactly the type of feedback I was looking for, the tone. It just wasn't sounding how I wanted it to sound, more exciting, cheerful... Thanks!
I didn't want it to sound like I was being mean...hopefully it didn't come off that way...
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