Originally Posted by czacza
David...have you sought therapy yet? [...] And get some help. Now.
Yes, I would like to, and I've been reading anger management books and websites. For Christmas, I hope to get money to take an online anger management course. That way, I can log in whenever I want, on my days off. (I've heard even some (but not all) court systems accept online
anger management courses.)
The problem with seeing an actual therapist is just what I mentioned...I'm not a "people person." I've tried therapy MANY times before, and I usually get (too) nervous being in a room with a stranger and then running out of things to talk about. Like, the therapist asks, "What makes you angry?" and I'm like, "Uhhh...bad drivers? Wait...I have no control over that! Why do I get so angry about that?" Then there's no sense even talking about it in the first place.
The past few therapists have said that I NEED a psychiatrist, and have even gone as far as refusing to make another appointment with me until I'm actually seeing a psychiatrist.
That, too, angers me greatly. Psychiatrists have done nothing for me except take my money. I don't need medicine, I need to become fluent in Spanish (a third language), learn about people in other countries who may have it worse than me, have some compassion/empathy for problems going on in Latin America (since I'm trying to really master Spanish and then go to Spain someday), or otherwise broaden my mind. The clock's ticking, I'm only getting older. I need to learn to be more happy. And I personally think, if I don't find the right friends, a girlfriend and a meaningful job, then I will never be truly happy. A pill is not going to get me friends, a girlfriend, and a job.
So, it's a cycle: I refuse to get help from an actual person, so I have to keep venting online or hit things. Sad but true.