WOW...would you say something?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Ms.Holyoke, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Groupie

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    Sep 29, 2018

    Last night, I went out to dinner and drinks with some of my friends from grad school. One of my friends teaches in the same district as me but in the high school. We were all complaining/talking about our jobs. The friend that teaches in the high school told us that after telling a kid to stop talking twice, she told him to "shut the **** up." And when a kid was listening to music by a particular artist, she said that if he put it away, she would show him pictures of her partying with said artist. Me and my other friends were shocked when we heard it! This friend is not known to have the best judgement but still!! It made me feel like a little bit better of teacher when I heard that.
     
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  3. Always__Learning

    Always__Learning Comrade

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    Everyone makes mistakes. I know it can be tempting when you are struggling in your own ways to "feel better" when you hear someone else's horror stories, but this isn't a healthy way to manage your own stress and it's not a good way to treat a friend so I would be reflecting on my own reaction.

    If she is really your friend, I would sit her down and have a conversation with her in the most non-judgmental way possible.

    I would also look at my professional responsibilities to determine if I am required to report on another teacher. If I found I was required to report and I felt I hadn't got through to my friend, I would probably be cutting social ties.
     
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  4. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    Is your friend a millennial? I only ask because there's the stereotype that young teachers are ____ ups even though we all know plenty of veteran teachers who don't necessarily have the most common sense either. To me that just sounds like a teacher who doesn't have best management and has resulted in the behaviors you explained. I would talk to my friend and say "WTF?" And then maybe help with classroom management strategies before your friend goes too far and gets into some real trouble. I don't know your friend and I am being completely presumptuous here, but we've all seen the patterns. One day your friend will come to you venting after getting in trouble and you'll be in an awkward spot between wanting to be supportive and saying "well you kind of brought this on yourself.''
    :eek:
     
  5. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Groupie

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    When I said “would you say something?” — I meant would you say something to the friend. I am NOT reporting this!
     
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  6. Always__Learning

    Always__Learning Comrade

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    Ms. Holyoke,

    I understood that you meant would you talk to her. I would say yes, talk to her.

    My point about reporting it is that if you have a legally responsibility to report this type of thing in your state AND you don't make any headway while speaking to your friend, in your shoes, I would stop socializing with that person because no friend (no matter how much I love them) is worth putting my career at risk.

    If you do choose to continue to socialize with this person I would be careful about your location. What if the table beside you had the cousin of your Superintendent sitting at it and it got back to your Super that you were talking in public about this stuff?
     
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  7. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Groupie

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    The thing is— she did not tell these as horror stories! She was seriously proud of the way she manages her classroom and talks to students. She talks about how her kids say she is her favorite teacher, etc. After hearing that, I just felt better because I know that I at least have decent judgement compared to other teachers.
     
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  8. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    Cough! SO TRUE and I'm very guilty of this. Things I have said have gotten back and bit me in the ass. You really can't be too careful as a teacher (especially in a small town) where EVERYBODY knows everybody.
    Sound advice! Similarly don't vent on FB or other "private'' social media either as it too has a way of being viewed.
    :D
     
  9. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    It sounds like they "say'' shes her favorite because they run the show. This is evidenced by her interactions and actions (e.g. bargaining with the students.) It's probably not true at all. In fact they probably know that they can just play and manipulate her by doing whatever and saying she's the favorite.
    Just wait until she finds out that they are talking about HER and what they really think. It won't be pretty.
     
  10. Always__Learning

    Always__Learning Comrade

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    So to answer your question, yes I would talk to her. If the conversation did not go well, personally my steps would be considering my legal responsibilities and considering cutting social ties.
     
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  11. Joyful!

    Joyful! Habitué

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    If you are truly friends, now that you are not in an open social setting, you might take a moment and ask her if she has considered that some kids have parents who might complain if they heard the coarse language she used toward her students (whether their own kids use it or not, some parents might feel affronted). As mentioned, be kind, gentle and non-judgmental, but reach out to her. She may not realize how badly things are going for her if she genuinely said those things. She may have been bragadocious and may really be drowning as a teacher. In that case, she needs you in a different way.
    Additionally, I would not continue to put myself in social situations where her open conversation could be overheard by others, most especially in a smaller town where the chances of someone knowing one of her students, or yours, could be in the proximity of your conversation. You never know who hears what and repeats it to someone who can directly affect your career.
     
  12. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    I would probably say something to the effect of, "Wow! That would not fly in my school! Is that common in your school? How do other teachers handle that kind of stuff?" and then I would distance myself from her professionally and socially.
     
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  13. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Fanatic

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    Sep 30, 2018

    I can’t imagine myself ever talking to a student in this way. If I were to ever even think about doing such a thing, I should just resign and throw in the towel, so to speak, as I would have no business being around children anymore.

    As educators, we should remain calm and professional even when students get on our nerves and act out. In my case, the worst I’ve ever said to my talkative or distracting high school students is “Please zip your lips, preferably with duct tape.” After which, I immediately apologized and let them know that was very out of character for me and out of line.

    I don’t understand why the students would accept being talked to like that, especially by their teacher. And why would they call that teacher their favorite after the fact?
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2018
  14. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Sep 30, 2018

    Just lose the friend.
     
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