Why oh why.....????

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by txmomteacher2, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Connoisseur

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    Jan 23, 2016

    Why oh why would I lie about your child? Just need a place to vent. I use classdojo and for the most part I LOVE it. I do have one parent who the minute I give her child a negateive she has got to know why and what happened! Even to the point she has come to school and demanded that she watch my classroom through the window on my door. This child has been difficult all year, I mean from meet the teacher night until now. At one point there was talk of taking him out of my class. She choose not too. I have put up with this kid lying about me calling him a name, him not being nice to other kids, him being disrespectful to me. And all the while the parent is saying it's all me and the other students who are the problem. Yesterday, when the kids came back from gym I was informed by an adult that he had punched one of my girls. ( she is tough and took it no crying no nothing) I just told him he had time out of centers. I didn't put anything on classdojo because I didn't actually see it and I really didn't want to deal with Mom. Then he pushed two kids in the classroom which I did witness and I just couldn't let two separate times of him misbehaving go so I put a negative. I knew she would say something. I even warned my principal. So last night she asked what happened and I told her.. Her response was worded like I was lying. UGHHHHH why would I lie about your child???? This woman is delusional about her child and I am extremely tired of the situation. Thanks for listening!!!!
     
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  3. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Jan 23, 2016

    A colleague of mine has been dealing with a couple of parents like this. There seems to be more of them lately.

    Document. Document. Document.
     
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  4. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Jan 23, 2016

    So sorry! Vent away, sister.
     
  5. otterpop

    otterpop Aficionado

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    Jan 23, 2016

    I've also found it's helpful to have kids document it too, in writing - what grade do you teach, though?

    Sorry you have to deal with that!
     
  6. Obadiah

    Obadiah Groupie

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    Jan 24, 2016

    It's no wonder the boy acts this way! I would advise not modifying any procedures just to please this one parent; she and her child are the ones who need to modify their behavior, (and research indicates that changing procedures only temporarily solves the problem. Once students become comfortable with the new procedure, the old behaviors resurface). I'd also recommend not trying what's often attempted in such situations (usually by principals), secretly giving this one child extra special rewards for good behavior. A wise third grader once complained, when a principal quietly did this for a student, "How come we're being good and he's the one getting all the cool prizes?" My thoughts are, what is this teaching the child who had been misbehaving?
     
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  7. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Jan 24, 2016

    Having a kid Iike this is hard enough, but then having a parent who acts like that makes your year so hard. I have my kindergarten students write or draw what happened and attach it to my note home. I also have students call parents from the classroom to tell the parent what happened and then I discuss the consequences with the parent after the student tells what happened.
     
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  8. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Connoisseur

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    Jan 24, 2016

    My principal will definitly not give this kid or any other kid special rewards for doing what they are supposed to be doing. She is tough as nails. I don't really change procedures for anyone I do however pick and choose my battles. My old principal taught me that.
     
  9. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    That's good. I had a principal who would give treats to kids when they were sent to the office for punching another kid in the stomach. That was very frustrating.
     
  10. Obadiah

    Obadiah Groupie

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    Jan 25, 2016

    txmomteacher2, I hope my post didn't sound like I was doubting how your were handling the situation. I just meant to comment on what I've seen other teachers and principals do or heard of being done. I agree! Sometimes we need to choose our battles.

    I've rarely seen parents such as this calm down. It reminds me of what C. S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters, how when a person is finding fault with another person, everything the other person does, right or wrong, is interpreted as being wrong. My thoughts are with you; it makes for a tough year.
     
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  11. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    Jan 25, 2016

    I've dealt with parents like this and I resign myself to figuring that no matter what I do, this parent will never trust me and that's their own business. I will not change what I'm doing in my classroom to accomdate bad behaviors just because the parent is crazy. As long as you document everything that has happened and your P supports you, I would not worry too much about it.

    Something you might want to try - which has worked well for me - is to have the student write down his responses on a piece of paper with these prompts: in his own words what behavior he chose to do, what good behavior he should have chosen, and what consequence he wants to set for himself if that behavior is repeated, and what reward he might enjoy if he chooses the good behavior. Have him sign and date it and you sign and date it. When Mom comes at you, you can show her the sheet that HE wrote out. If it's in writing, Mom cannot come back at you saying that you are lying.
     
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  12. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Jan 25, 2016

    I LOVE that idea. And if the behavior happens in front of students, have them initial it as a witness... not their name but just their initials. Proof that others saw it happen and protects their identity, too.
     
  13. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Connoisseur

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    Thanks for the ideas about writing down what happened. Most of my kinders could do this but not him. He can barely write his name muchless a complete sentence. I will survive this parent just like I have survived others just really needed a place to go where I would be understood. Love my husband but he just doesn't get it when it comes to what we deal with on a daily basis.
     
  14. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Take him over to another teacher and have him dictate it to her... a non-bias teacher that would know nothing about the situation. After she writes it down, have him initial it.
     
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  15. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Jan 25, 2016

    I think the previous poster is correct.
    When a parent doesn't know how to parent, this will usually happen. Document everything and if another teacher/staff member witnesses something the student does then have them also write it down and/or talk to the mom about it.
     
  16. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Jan 29, 2016

    I use classdojo without the parent connection.
     

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