Hi, everybody. Happy Holidays. I hope this message finds you well. I kind of wanted to give you an update, and ask for some helpful pointers from fellow teachers, especially those who have survived in a toxic school environment. So, I went to see my doctor today. I told her about everything that's going on at school. I told her about the lack of support from my family. I told her how I've been crying myself to sleep every night and my horrific panic attacks on Sunday nights. She told me that I need to get back into therapy. To be honest, I put therapy on the back burner for the past two months, only because I've been working myself to the bone at school and on my PhD applications. She also adjusted my medication; I've been on a low dose ever since my withdrawal this past summer. You all have comforted me and given me some solid advice, and I know I'm doing the wrong thing right now. I really hope you won't be mad at me, but I completely understand if you are. And I can truly promise you that I won't be posting about resignation or complaining about this school anymore. You know the tea. So, here's my confession: I decided to stay. I'm going to pray again about this tonight, and perhaps I'll have a clearer answer tomorrow morning. My decision is truly not what I want to do, but something that I have to do. Here's why: 1. I'm 28 years old and single. I have no desire whatsoever to get married, even when my culture is pushing it down my throat. I am still living with family because my graduate school loans were too high. I decided to stay at my current school because the solid, steady income will allow me to save some money and possibly buy my dream house. I just needed to eliminate some of my credit card debt first. 2. My resume looks like this: I worked for two years as a long-term sub at a beautiful suburban school, and then I hope to add another two years working at this urban school. I feel like two years at one school will look much better than a year and some, you know? I know for many potential hiring schools, they might not care, but I'm freaking the hell out about killing my career and leaving a glitch on my resume. 3. I feel like at this point, it's better and healthier for me to be out of the house than at home with my family. I love them beyond words, but they really don't understand what I'm going through. They have this old mentality that you should never switch jobs. I understand these next six months, January to June, are going to be really, really difficult. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. To be honest, I feel like I've been given a prison sentence that I have to ride out. I'm just scared, you guys. Maybe you can give me some pointers on how I can make it through the storm? And I'm taking this really hard on myself for these reasons: 1. I'm 28 years old. My twenties are slowly coming to a close. I'll be 29 in June. Am I wasting my life by being unhappy? But what if the matter is out of my hands? I need the job, and I need the money. My family says they'll support me no matter what, but I firmly believe that they will be devastated if I leave mid-year. 2. It's only six months, right? I'm saving up for a beautiful trip to South America next summer. Maybe that will be my reward for surviving hell? What can I do to ride out this terrible storm? What especially can I do when my anxiety is insurmountable on Sunday nights and days before winter break ends? How can I make it through the day, even when it's tough, when my Block 6 kids are jumping off the walls and I have to call security, when my VP hates me and fails me during my next observation, when my fellow ELA teachers are all laughing at me and waiting for me to fall on my face? Please advise me one last time on this matter on how I can cope. Thank you so much.