Teacher Guilt?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by LittleShakespeare, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 24, 2019

    Hey, everybody.

    My countdown to resignation continues. :heart:

    I did put in my resignation letter, effective June 15th. Life has gotten so much easier knowing that I won’t be returning next year. I’m actually looking into different careers right now. I did love teaching, but I think I want to put it on the shelf for a while. I was actually thinking about teaching college instead of high school, or possibly going into writing, publishing, or archival studies. I actually saved up for a trip this summer. :)

    I still have been losing sleep at night though. Aside from the normal stressors of the job, I’ve just been feeling so down about myself. I feel like I’ve failed. I wanted this to work out so, so much. There were days when I truly loved coming to work, when I didn’t have such bad anxiety, when all I wanted to do was teach. Sadly, whenever I’m not teaching, like if I’m at a PD all day, I’m happier. :(

    In a lot of ways, I know I screwed up. I’m not “rigorous enough” and I’m solely “a partially effective educator” according to my VP. I came to this urban school thinking all schools were the same, and I tried so many approaches to teaching these at-risk kids. I even bought them school supplies and books because our department spent our entire budget on PD’s instead of the core texts.

    I do love these kids wholeheartedly, even the ones who have tried assaulting me or who have cursed me out. It just doesn’t change the way I feel. I’ve failed as a teacher. What makes an ideal teacher? And more importantly, how does one deal with the “teacher guilt”?
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2019
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  3. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Feb 24, 2019

    It comes with the territory, but you don’t have to work in an urban school. Why not work in a rural or suburban school? The community feel is very different and the student populations tend to be more amicable.
     
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  4. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 24, 2019

    I did teach at a suburban school for two years. It was good, but I just don’t want to teach anymore. I feel like I’ve lost the passion for it. I want my freedom and my life back. I want a good night’s sleep without worrying about lesson plans and my classroom. I just want a regular 9 to 5 job that involves books. And I hate myself for that. :(
     
  5. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    Feb 24, 2019

    Let’s not get back into the pity routine. You shouldn’t hate yourself for doing what makes you happy. You don’t owe anyone anything. It’s time to start anew and do what you love.
     
  6. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 24, 2019

    Thank you, honey. I just feel bad that I couldn’t make it work, but what makes me feel hopeful is knowing there’s something greater out there for me. My best friend loves to pick on me. “You picked English as your major! That’s a death sentence.” Lol! I know there’s not much you can do with the degree, but this summer, I wanted to go to my career center at my Alma mater and go over some options. I’d love to do library science, but I don’t know much about it, and I’m not sure my family would be too thrilled. A librarian is not an esteemed career, according to my sister. :p
     
  7. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Feb 24, 2019

    The only "tough love" thing I'm going to say, which might be taken the wrong way, is I wouldn't be going on trips until I had my plans worked out for my next career/source of income. Maybe it's just me, but I personally wouldn't be able to enjoy a trip until I had my work lined up anyway.
     
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  8. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 24, 2019

    I appreciate your input. I wanted this trip to be a gift to myself for surviving the school year. It’s only a week. I think it’ll be healthy for me to regroup in a new place. It was actually my therapist’s and my doctor’s recommendation.
     
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  9. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Feb 24, 2019

    OP, please consider that you are one of the 50% of all new teachers who leave the profession in their first five years.

    At the very worst, that would put you squarely in the norm, so change your mindset and find something else to worry about. I suspect you are too quick to hate/blame yourself for a variety of things that may or may not be under your control.. I choose to accept the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer:
    "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things that I can,
    and the wisdom to know the difference between the two."

    There are several versions of this, but this is the one that makes the most sense to me.. Being both a teacher and a scientist, I have always figured that without the wisdom to differentiate between the two categories, logic is lost, the path is not clear.

    Choose your new path carefully to improve your mental status and contentment. Best of luck.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2019
  10. pommom

    pommom Comrade

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    Feb 25, 2019

    Yes, I am part of that group who left teaching within 5 years.
    It was a long 3 1/2 months trying to get another career, but I did it.
    It feels so good not having to do any work on my days off which never happened as a teacher. I am like you, op. I suffer from clinical anxiety, and it made teaching harder on me.
     
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