I don't think it's so much "woe is me." Maybe it's more like "how am I supposed to do this?" I really am asking. Why does everyone have to be so vague? Sorry, but I'm really not that comfortable with teaching myself. College was the place where I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted to be. I finally settled on "teacher," because I thought I would learn how to teach myself while learning how to teach other people. I imagined a program that was much more structured than what I got. I don't why being frustrated and not knowing how to do something translates as "lazy" to some people. I do avoid asking for help too much where I work. I think I get that people think I should be able to muddle along, make a fool of myself, and "reinvent the wheel" enough times to figure it out, but I don't really like that idea. My students are expecting a skilled professional, and I do think their misbehavior is partially because I'm not that professional. I'm also pretty disappointed in myself. I mean, I have a bachelor's in English / Language Arts and Secondary Education, a master's in Education with a concentration on ESL teaching, and a license to teach kids in kindergarten through twelfth grade, and I'm honestly not doing much better than a long-term sub; I'm probably doing worse, and I've already explained why, haven't I? How is any of this laziness rather than a desire to be able to do my job correctly?