Relationships

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Mintcar421, Mar 4, 2017.

  1. Mintcar421

    Mintcar421 New Member

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    Mar 4, 2017

    I have a question. This is my second year of teaching high school and my husband complains about how much time I put into my work. He doesn't understand why I work so much. He feels as if I care more for my students than him. Do any of you have this problem?
     
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  3. beccmo

    beccmo Comrade

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    Mar 5, 2017

    My husband will occasionally comment when I am putting in what he considers too many home hours into my work. That being said, he does understand that this is part of the job. He asked one of my son's teachers at the beginning of the school year once about teachers putting in work hours at home and was told "if you want to be good at the job you will work crazy hours, especially at the beginning of your career." Now that I have ten years of teaching under my belt, I don't put in nearly the same amount of hours at home as I used to, so my husband and I are able to spend more time together. For us it means getting out of the house (hiking, bowling, golf, etc.).
     
  4. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Mar 5, 2017

    It sounds like you and your hubby need a date night. When I taught 5th grade I put in 50-65 hours a week minimum. The early years I basically lived at school. I'm very aware of how much homework teachers have, but don't forget to take time to recharge your batteries. Burnout is very real when you don't come up for air on a regular basis. Balance in all things is necessary especially work and play.
     
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  5. Backroads

    Backroads Enthusiast

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    Mar 5, 2017

    If it's your 2nd year, working long hours is often part of the life.

    However, your marriage is more important than your teaching. In a few more years, if you're still devoting all your time to teaching, you have a problem. You either have time management issues or you are putting your teacher self above your spouse self.

    I agree, have a date night. Your students will survive having the basics over the ultimate Pinterest project (not saying that's what you're doing because in 2nd year you're likely just keeping your head above water, but yeah... frills doesn't equal great lessons.)
     
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  6. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Mar 5, 2017


    It is very easy to fall into the trap of spending too much time on the class instead of your family. If your husband is telling you you are doing it, you are. You have to put him first. There will never be enough time to get everything done in your job.
     
  7. WordLover

    WordLover Rookie

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    Mar 6, 2017

    I'm in my first year of teaching and I've just finished a replacement position. My husband and I have been married several years. I've brought home tons of work. I had to start my commute at 5:15 a.m. so even on the weekends, I'd get up on a Sat. and Sun. and knock some work off before he woke up. A few ways to maximize intimacy: flirty / sexy texts during the day to let him know that you're thinking of him and can't wait to be alone with him, Saturday and Sunday mornings of creative intimacy. Surprise him. Then you'll have time, later, to do work.
     
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  8. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Mar 8, 2017

    It might truly help to let your partner know this amount of front-end effort and time will pay off and cut down on your work in later years, so this is short term. If he can focus on that and NOT fall down the rabbit hole of "you love your students more than you love me", you'll be okay. Honestly, that response of his concerns me.
     
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  9. vickilyn

    vickilyn Maven

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    Mar 8, 2017

    Sometimes a person will pour themselves into their work because all is not well in a relationship. Not claiming that OP is, but I have worked with teachers who would do almost anything NOT to go home. Not acknowledging that is simply wearing blinders to the truth. Never a bad thing to look at the facts and figures, then evaluate (spoken like a science teacher).
     
  10. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Mar 8, 2017

    My BF also had the same complaints this year. My first years I was barely present, and worked so much that I was never home. He also worked a lot too so it worked out okay.

    After a while, I was able to separate home and work life better. That all changed this year upon joining a new school teaching two new subjects. It's basically like my first year again. My BF has been frustrated that I've gone to being relatively relaxed to a stress case at my new job. We've gotten into a lot of fights this year. Part of it is also because the work expectations at this new school are ridiculous and they just have a lot of useless crap that they load onto the teachers who are not treated professionally at all at this school, so I'm leaving this year (along with the rest of the science department, hilariously enough). I expect to spend more time with my BF once this hellish year is over.
     
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  11. Teacher0909

    Teacher0909 Rookie

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    Mar 11, 2017

    Is there a veteran teacher at your school that also teaches the same subject?
     
  12. AmyMyNamey

    AmyMyNamey Comrade

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    Mar 13, 2017

    I used to. And it's because I was putting my lousy little job ahead of my family. When you do that, you are an idiot. You are not saving the world. You are not curing cancer. But you are hurting the most important people in your life, and they are YOUR family—not other peoples' kids with families of their own to care for them.
     
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  13. Backroads

    Backroads Enthusiast

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    Mar 13, 2017

    I've heard some use the excuse of "These kids neeeeeed people to be there for them!" And sure, it's always nice to have that one teacher that is able to devote 100% of their life to their students.

    But not at the expense of families. Rather, I view putting your own family first as a great example to students.
     
  14. anon55

    anon55 Comrade

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    Mar 14, 2017

    I think it all depends on how much pressure the admin puts on teachers. Last year was my 1st year, and I routinely stayed until 6 or 7 and sometimes even 8:30. The pressure was really put on me though, so I felt I had no choice. This year is way different. I leave at the latest 5 and usually 4 or 4:30, and that's mostly because I like to talk to colleagues and unwind after work. I've realized the more recharged I am, the more of my heart I can put into my classes. When I worked myself to death last year, I was so frustrated and burned out.

    Anyways to specifically answer your question, I'm lucky my gf is very understanding. But I have a colleague whose wife blows up his phone with constant texts and calls as soon as the bell rings.

    The other thing I NEVER ever ever take work home. Once I leave work, that's it. My night and weekend time is my time, PERIOD. I come in an hour before school starts to do work, during prep and during lunch. Anything's better than trying to do LESSON PLANNING at home!
     
  15. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Mar 14, 2017

    It DOES get better. I sent my husband this message today:

    I hate state-mandated testing. OGTs this week, OSTs in two weeks, NWEAs all month, OELPA for my ESL kids, and ACTs SOMEWHERE in there. Ohio Dept of Ed made the ACT mandatory for juniors a year earlier than they were supposed to. I'm tired to the point I'm too worn to weep.​

    He didn't ask what all that alphabet soup was. He put me in the car and took me out for pizza (for Pi-e Day) and beers.
     
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  16. anon55

    anon55 Comrade

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    Mar 14, 2017

    what's Pi Day and why do we celebrate it? It's part of our spirit week and I'm not sure how students were supposed to dress up for that!
     
  17. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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  18. ecteach

    ecteach Devotee

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    Mar 16, 2017

    My husband is always proud of me for being what he calls a good teacher. But, he always gets mad about how much money I spend. Especially when he sees what I pay on TPT!
     
  19. greendream

    greendream Cohort

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    Mar 16, 2017

    It's a tough balance. Honestly, when I was a teacher, I learned to err on the side of my family, even if it meant I spent and hour lesson planning instead of three. Probably not a "teacher of the year" type response, but it got to the point where I realized my family was coming second, and it scared the hell out of me.
     
  20. mitchfairchild

    mitchfairchild New Member

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    Mar 16, 2017

    Date night is crucial. If you have little ones (or teenagers), they're not allowed. Find a sitter if you need to. It needs to be just you and your "honeybun." When my wife (also a teacher) and I don't have our date nights, we notice shorter tempers and little frustrations with one another.
     
  21. AmyMyNamey

    AmyMyNamey Comrade

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    Mar 17, 2017

    I put my husband through hell my first years teaching, put too much on his shoulders. A lesser man would have left me.

    Family first. Always.

    Be a balanced human being. They make better teachers and role models.
     
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