Painful but… here goes.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherShelly, May 18, 2014.

  1. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Aug 10, 2014

    I could just gush on and on about you guys and your amazing support. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Nothing could feel less alone than coming on AtoZ and seeing your replies. I'm crying. Thank you.

    creativemonster, no I have not read The Artist's Way. I'm going to check it out when I'm in a bookstore next. I love the idea of a date with myself. Boy, did you nail it saying I'm sick of ME. Sometimes I feel like a whiny brat who just wants my expectations to be met. Wouldn't that be nice, if our (positive) expectations were always met? Thank you for your advice and hugs. :hug:

    giraffe326, I could list a bunch of annoying things he did that I no longer face; what a great strategy.

    catnfiddle, there's another book for my list. I can hardly bear Julia Roberts so I never saw the movie. I'll check out the book.

    MrsC, yes, one hour at a time. One second….

    WindyCityGal606, your post intrigued me. You "don't do romance"? This is one of those wake-up moments where I realize not everyone is like me. I love affectionate times, romance, and just the comfortable camaraderie of being with a mate. You don't? Please don't take offense - I am 100% curious about this idea, not trying to make you feel on the spot. On your advice I will definitely go out by myself and realize it is the ideal for some of us!

    wldywall, your story is so beautiful, with the reconciliation and everything. I'm misty-eyed thinking of you two resolving things and being a pair again. And yes! to your advice not to let people pressure me into getting over it. You make perfect sense to me. I need to mourn not only the loss of my beloved life-commitment, but also my images of us growing old together. I can actually picture my husband and I holding hands with gray hair and smiles reserved just for each other. So sad to let it go.

    Runsw/scissors, I do keep a journal. I have kept them all these years, and like you, I do check in on how I was doing in the past. This has helped a lot, because I recorded my marital problems from even before we were married. My husband was not a sunny, happy-go-lucky guy who had a midlife crisis and turned on me. He has always been gloomy and sarcastic, and he has always blamed me for his unhappiness. At the same time, he would say things about how happy I made him, and what a great team we were - but when he was down, it was always my fault. It helps to remember that the guy I'm missing isn't the same person who lives one town over in his one-bedroom apartment with his girlfriend. I'm missing a fantasy guy - one with only his good qualities.

    bandnerdtx, that is great you blogged and had followers. That must have been cathartic. Do you still blog? PS, check your PM..

    smalltowngal, I'm really, well, proud of you. You went through heck and are ok. I will get to the same point one day. And yes, I rely on you guys. Crying again...
     
  2. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Aug 10, 2014

    I just watched a Heather Graham movie called "Committed." It was not an award winning movie or anything but it is now my theme movie. "I'm still a committed person. Just not to you," is my quote for my husband. He didn't steal my sense of commitment and make it silly and naive; no, I am still a person whose word is eternal. I'm so moved by this movie :)
     
  3. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Aug 11, 2014

    Good for you. :hugs:
     
  4. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Aug 19, 2014

    The more I share about my divorce, the more I find out how many people are in my boat! Many other teachers in my school are on their second marriage and I didn't know it. It really helps me feel less like "damaged goods."

    I've also decided it feels better to say my husband and I are going our separate ways than to say, "I'm getting a divorce." Getting a divorce sounds like an appendectomy (which it also feels like sometimes) while going our own ways sounds like a sane choice made by two adults. Maybe it's just words, but to me, words are very powerful.

    Anyone know what I mean?
     
  5. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Aug 20, 2014

    I love it, and I love that movie as well.
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 20, 2014

    Shelly~whatever helps you to get through it is what you need to do. I don't mind saying that the ex and I are divorced. I guess because I know so many others that are. You never know what other people are going through or have been through.
     

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