Painful but… here goes.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherShelly, May 18, 2014.

  1. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jun 16, 2014

    [​IMG]
     
  2. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jun 17, 2014

    Shelly, I agree with MrsC. Your last post made me smile. :)

    And you will find that you become a more stronger, independent person when this is all said and done. Will there be days ahead where you don't feel this way? Sure, but as time moves forward, those days will become less and less frequent. And you will find that even though it still hurts, you are much better off. :hugs:
     
  3. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jun 17, 2014

    Thank you, STG, MrsC, and catnfiddle!

    Today was another chapter in the "Unbelievable!" book that is my divorce. So you know how we've been trying to hide Sarah from the girls, giving them time to grieve their parents' divorce before introducing new people into the picture? Well, today, we went to give him a belated Father's Day gift at a lunch place and he drives up In Sarah's Car. What the/? I was so mad I left and had him eat with the kids alone. I asked what he was going to say to them about the car and he said, "I'll say I borrowed someone's car. What?! I didn't know I'd see you in the parking lot!" AAAAAGHHHH

    So on my alone time I decided he was never ever ever going to keep a commitment about hiding this woman so we should tell the kids the truth and stop treating them like they can't put 2 and 2 together. He didn't want to be there when I told them and I thought he was ashamed of his behavior. But no.

    He told them about Sarah, and one of my kids met her once at the apartment, in MID MAY! He said, "Don't tell mom!" and they were forced to bear that secret for a month. Today he said (they knew it was Sarah's car), "Tell mom I borrowed a car if she asks. Don't tell her you know it's Sarah's."

    Mind blown.
    :banghead:
     
  4. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Jun 18, 2014

    Sad to say, but I am not terribly surprised.

    Selfish, immature people tend to put their own wants above those of others, even their children's.

    I am sorry for all of your stress. Can I send some chocolate??
     
  5. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jun 18, 2014

    I'm not surprised either. Like Missy said..selfish and immature.
     
  6. comaba

    comaba Cohort

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    Jun 18, 2014

    I'm not surprised either.

    I don't remember if you've considered counseling for your girls. If not, please do consider it. Maybe family counseling.

    Beyond expecting your girls to keep a secret from you, he actually asked them to cover up his affair! What a douche!! How dare he do that to his own daughters!

    Be sure to record this for your lawyer. Also record the comment about another mother figure. They may be relevant.

    Sorry for all this. You deserve better!
     
  7. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Jun 18, 2014

    So sorry you are dealing with the *extra* stuff as well!
     
  8. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    Jun 18, 2014

    He's really following the playbook, isn't he? So predictable. If it wasn't so hurtful to your kids, it would be funny.
     
  9. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jun 25, 2014

    This is a good time to say, I'm finally through a lot of the hardest part of breaking up. It's been 5 weeks since I first posted here and I thought I'd never feel as well as I do today. I'm at my sister-in-law's for vacation. On the first day, Friday, I had a gallbladder attack and had to have it removed! I was in the hospital until Sunday afternoon. Somehow during that time, I let go of a lot of stories I've been believing about blame, and a lot of shame that went with it. It's like it went out with the gallbladder (that sounds ridiculous and hilarious to me).

    So for all the time I spent wondering and worrying, I am now sitting at the base of a mountain in a lovely home with nature all around me thinking about how things truly move forward at their own natural pace. No one can make the mountain snow melt slower or faster than it is going to, or the rain to fall softly every summer afternoon.

    The people here in town, my SIL's friends, jumped in and helped me when I had my surgery. My SIL had to work some of the time so a friend brought me home from the hospital and stopped by the drugstore for pain meds with me. Another friend took both kids for a sleepover and ice cream social. And now the group of them took both kids camping for three nights so I could lay low and recover all on my own. I wish everyone these kind of souls to walk through life with.

    I know this is one of those good days and there will still be bad days. However, I know how this can feel and won't worry I'll never feel whole again. Thanks for reading!
     
  10. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Jun 25, 2014

    Hugs! I'm glad things are starting to look up for you. Stay positive!
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jun 25, 2014

    What wonderful people have entered your orbit! I'm so glad to hear that you're recovering physically and emotionally, although I despise the circumstances.
     
  12. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Jun 28, 2014

    How wonderful that you are being treated well, TeacherShelly. You deserve the respite and the clarity, too. I'm so glad for you.
     
  13. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Jun 28, 2014

    yay! :)
     
  14. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 5, 2014

    So my husband is coming over tomorrow to fill out the divorce paperwork for real. This is really happening.

    My big question this week is, who has been lonely? This kind of lonely is not for the weak of heart. It hurts. I read a quote about learning to love one's own company. That sounds good, but really, I need other people!
     
  15. K1teach

    K1teach Companion

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    Jul 5, 2014

    Good luck tomorrow!
     
  16. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jul 5, 2014

    Wish we could all come over with some junk food and silly movies. Personally, I would bring The Muppet Movie (the 1979 one). We're here for you as best we can be.
     
  17. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Thanks, K1Teach!
    Cat, that's one of my all time favorite movies! :)
     
  18. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Hugs, TeacherShelly!
     
  19. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Sorry, but why is your husband coming over to do paperwork? You do have a lawyer, right?

    I am sure it will be lonely at times, but I can tell from your posts on here that you are a lovely person; turn to your friends and support system. If Cat brings the movie, I will bring the ice cream and hot fudge.

    Hope your girls are doing well.
     
  20. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 6, 2014

    ...and I'll bring the wine!
     

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