Older aide vs younger teachers....

Discussion in 'General Education' started by thesub, Nov 27, 2017.

  1. thesub

    thesub Comrade

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    Nov 27, 2017

    I am the older aide...51 years and a PM aide in an elementary school. I am originally from India but living in USA for 25 years.

    I help mainstream 2 students with autism into the gen ed class. In the gen ed class, there is the classroom teacher (Ms A). the special ed teacher (Ms B) and a young male aide (Mr C). Mr C is very popular in the school.

    The teachers and Mr C barely talk to me. If I try to chitchat, they will briefly answer and go back to being by themselves in a group. They all stand together on one end of the class and I'm with my students on the other side. Is this because they are all 27 and have nothing in common with me??? (They did mention their age in class to the students). I

    Mr. C and I are in specials together where he will schmooze with the teacher and ignore me completely.
    . At recess and dismissal time, if I am near these teachers they will not smile or talk to me.

    For Halloween , they did not tell me about their costumes but I asked them anyway and dressed similarly. They all took selfies with each other and did not include me. Other class teachers took pictures with their aides.

    So please help me figure out what's going on here. Again, I wonder if it's an age and culture thing- these teachers are very friendly with the AM aide who is around 30 years and white.

    It's humiliating to chit chat and get monosyllabic answers from these teachers, so I won't do this anymore perhaps. I generally get along with the other staff in the building - I don't feel so ignored.
     
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  3. AmyMyNamey

    AmyMyNamey Comrade

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    Nov 27, 2017

    I find myself most content when I haven't a care for the thoughts and opinions of idiots.

    The people you describe are idiots. Young, uncouth, self-absorbed idiots. They could be racist idiots. But the very fact that they are idiots places them in a lower class of people you wouldn't want to associate with in any regard. Let them go off into their little corner and be happy idiots together.

    You don't need idiots for friends. Focus on the kids and the adults with fewer mental health issues.

    You may want to look at another placement for next year if these twits continue getting under your skin.
     
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  4. Been There

    Been There Companion

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    Nov 27, 2017

    I totally agree with AmyMyNamey. Assuming you are an effective aide, one might easily speculate that your co-workers are being openly discriminatory. As a minority myself, I am all too familiar with the cold-shoulder, no greeting, no smile, condescending behavior of school employees. Sometimes the more knowledgeable one is, the more likely such differential treatment is to occur. Have you ever had a discourteous educator abruptly hang up during a phone call with you or has anyone ever purposely slammed the door on their way out leaving you to wonder what just happened? IMO, it boils down to their insecurity and discomfort level - they're more than idiots.
     
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  5. svassillion

    svassillion Rookie

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    Nov 27, 2017

    I'm 27 and I've only had older aides and I've gotten along great with all three of them. I take some time to warm up to people, but after a while have been able to have fun conversation with all my aides. Your co-workers sound like snooty a-holes. Reading this I got the sense this could have more to do with your race than your age which makes them even bigger jerks. If you can ignore them and brush it off, do it- though I know that's easier said than done when you spend hours with them each day.
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Nov 27, 2017

    Without knowing them, it's hard to say what might motivate their behavior.

    I will speak from my own experience and say that I get along with most people at school, including people older than me, younger than me, and of different races and religions. What prompts me to avoid someone or not engage with them is when they are extremely awkward and/or rude.

    There's an aide I occasionally work with when our paths cross. She happens to be older than I am. She is single-handedly the most awkward person I've ever met. Talking to her is excruciating. I don't dislike her, and she seems like a very kind person, but she is just so very awkward. Besides that, she often messes up tasks. I'm honestly not sure if it's intentional or if she really can't perform simple tasks with only one or two instructions, such as, "Please give these cards (with student names printed on them) to the students." I don't like working with or talking to her, and it has nothing to do with her age or race.
     
  7. thesub

    thesub Comrade

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    Nov 28, 2017

    Thank you all so much for helping me think through this. I will continue to be the effective aide that I am ( my evaluations are excellent, always get called for AM subbing etc) and try my best to ignore this silly behavior. Caesar753, wouldn't you smile and nod and talk about the weather to the aide if you passed her in the hallway???
     
  8. Obadiah

    Obadiah Habitué

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    I don't know, maybe I've just been becoming more aware of it, maybe it's been around all this time, but I've noticed an increase in bigotry. Concerning the two examples referred to above, I've also witnessed increased bigotry against races and age. Maybe what has changed in my lifetime is how bigotry is expressed. Usually, it is not a brusque expression of hatred, but rather a restrained expression of kindness; as the OP indicated, her co-workers aren't rude, just non-inclusive. An expected social propriety is administered but seclusion is practiced. There is also a way of making demeaning comments when the other person is not around that doesn't actually condemn the person, but portrays the speaker's bigotry towards that person. Now entering my 60's, I've felt socially awkward at times, especially due to my current differences in abilities due to cancer.

    I've decided to continue to be me. I've decided that I'm still going to care about and be kind to others, and not worry about how they are to me. How I am to them is more important to me than how they are to me.
     
  9. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Comrade

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    Nov 29, 2017

    It honestly sounds like they are being racist. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Can you request a change in grade levels for next year?
     
  10. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Comrade

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    LOL everyone here just screaming "Racism!!" 5 out of 6 people responding claiming racism without knowing these other people points to a growing victim culture. When I read the OPs description, my thoughts are not that at all. I just think "Who cares? You're there for the students, not for the other teachers."
     
  11. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Nov 29, 2017

    I also wonder why anyone would assume racism. It would never occur to me to go there unless there was something direct and specific that warranted the thought.

    I've always told my children that if one person acts rude to you for not apparent reason, ignore their behavior and assume he's a jerk. If multiple people are rude to you for no apparent reason, take a long, serious look in the mirror.
     
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  12. GemStone

    GemStone Habitué

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    Nov 29, 2017

    If they were suddenly to include you and be nice to you tomorrow, would your paycheck be larger?

    No.

    Work is work. Those people are not your family or your friends. Why do they matter to you?
     
  13. Belch

    Belch Rookie

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    Nov 29, 2017

    They're probably just doing it unconsciously because there is both a cultural and age gap. It's just an in-group preference that happens naturally, and has nothing at all to do with you, other than not being part of their in-group.

    If the tables were turned and you worked with a lot of expatriates from India in your age group, you would be doing the exact same thing to them.
     
  14. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Habitué

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    Nov 29, 2017

    I've always preferred to work with people older than me. When I first graduated college my co-teacher was in her sixties and we got along great. (Zero drama, lol.) I'm sorry your co-workers are being so cliquey. It's always so uncomfortable when that happens.
     
  15. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Comrade

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    Nov 29, 2017

    I find this assumption that you made offensive.
     
  16. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Comrade

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    Nov 29, 2017

    Any assumption of racism is offensive, including the original one made by 5 posters.
     
  17. svassillion

    svassillion Rookie

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    Nov 29, 2017

    I think it's the lens each person has when trying to make sense of a new situation. For example, when reading the OP I immediately pictured the district I used to work in where the white support staff were often promoted or favored over the non-white support staff. It didn't make sense to me then because the school had a high transient Muslim population and the aide who spoke Arabic was a major asset, but the staff never spoke highly of her and instead praised the building sub who to me seemed to be working with the wrong age group. So I guess since in my experience staff have been treated differently more for their race than their age, I leaned more towards race being the cause. Although I agree with Caesar that without being there and knowing these teachers personally, it's all speculation.
     
  18. Belch

    Belch Rookie

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    Why do you find it offensive? In-group preferences are perfectly natural, and we have to deal with reality, rather than emotions and feelings.
     
  19. lovemymonsters

    lovemymonsters Rookie

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    Nov 30, 2017

    Without knowing the people you work with, it sounds like an age and culture gap. Maybe there is a presumption (on their part) that you would have nothing in common with them. If it's important to you to feel welcome and included, then you may have to take the first steps to improve the situation. Assuming these people are generally kind and well-meaning, they may be unaware of their behaviour and the hurt that it is causing. Have you tried just including yourself? It seems weird and awkward, but if you try to find some sort of common ground, that can be a starting point for them getting to know you. They may never fully include you, but at least you have tried.
     
  20. vickilyn

    vickilyn Virtuoso

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    We had an Indian woman with a thick accent. Lovely lady, but it was difficult to converse with her without feeling like an idiot for asking her to please repeat what she just said. She was a teacher, and many kept a distance because it was awkward, but not because of racism or bigotry. I would say that many struggle with different accents, and that it is not about culture, as much as a difficulty in understanding what was said.
     
  21. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

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    Dec 2, 2017

    To me, i agree with an above poster. I only try to avoid the people who say awkward things.
     

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