Lonely, yet don't have a desire to hang out with my old friends or make new ones?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Teacher_Lyn, Oct 3, 2010.

  1. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Oct 3, 2010

    I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but for the last year and a half, I just have not had a desire to be very social. I have a nice group of friends from high school, as well as a couple friends from my teacher program and like 4 others that I've met here and there, but I dont want to spend time with them.

    Right now, one of my HS friends is calling me on my cell phone and I don't want to answer. I just let it go to voicemail.

    I am unhappy with my appearance, but I'm in the process of losing weight and none of my friends have been mean to me about my excess lbs. Most of them are trying to lose weight too. Plus, I know realistically I am not super fat -- I do wear a size 16, but it's not like I have to be forklifted out my house or people stop and stare at me on the street.

    I don't have the desire to make new friends either. I am taking a language class and a girl in it asked me if i wanted to go get coffee and discuss the reading. She seemed nice enough but I just really didn't want to and made up an excuse about needing to watch my nephew.

    What is wrong with me? I don't think i am depressed because I am sleeping at night, I don't cry often, I enjoy going to work (most of the time) and my parents don't fight like they used too.

    I did hang out with my friends about a month ago and I had a lot of fun. Yet, after that day, I went back to not wanting to really spend time with anyone. Even my boyfriend, I only want to see him like once, maybe twice a week at the most.

    If he were to suggest taking off a week of work to go spend time together on vacation I would be turned off. We actually did vacation together before school started and I had a nice time when we went, but I really really didn't want to go.
     
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  3. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Oct 3, 2010

    Hmmm, well my situation isn't exactly like yours...but I do share the similarity of not wanting to hang out with old friends or make much effort to make new ones. If for some reason I do get out to hang out with them, I always enjoy myself...but it's like getting me out to do something is just hard. I'm not sure why.

    I love being around my husband and my family. It's hard for me to break my routine.

    But in your case, maybe you are a little depressed? I guess you don't have to have all the basic symptoms. Or you know, you could just be in a funk. I mean...if it's been 1 1/2 years since you've felt this way about everything...friends/bf/potential new friends...then maybe it is a little more serious. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?
     
  4. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Oct 3, 2010

    To be honest, you sound a wee bit depressed. Depression doesn't have to be full-blown, weeping-in-the-shower-for-no-reason. It can be just a touch. It worries me a bit that you don't even want to pick up the phone... and that it's been going on for quite some time. Is there anyone close to you that you can talk to about it?
     
  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 3, 2010

    TeacherLyn- you should talk to a doctor. Many people who have depression don't have the 'typical' symptoms.
     
  6. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

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    Oct 3, 2010

    I watched a great movie called "Helen" starring Ashley Judd and it really enlightened me on what people who experience depression go through. In the movie, it says depression is not sadness. It's a brain disorder that can be treated. I always thought it involved sadness but it doesn't for the person experiencing it. I think for the rest of us, we equate it to sadness. But that's not what depression is at all. I think I go through periodic depression myself. That's when I just stay in and putter around the house and other times I'm wanting to be very social.
     
  7. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Oct 3, 2010

    Talking to a doctor might not hurt, but it could be that you just don't have that desire to socialize. Some people are just more stand-offish. I have always had friends, but it seems like I more or less forced myself to go hang out with them when I was in HS. When I was in college, I realized that hanging out just really wasn't something I enjoyed. I would rather be alone. Of course, I do have a husband and daughter, so they occupy my time and that could be a lot to do with it, but even before then I was very similar to what you are describing. Now, if this is a sudden change and unlike you, then perhaps it does mean something. I really am not sure.
     
  8. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oct 3, 2010

    The more I live, the less I like people and the more I love animals. Seriously. A to Z is my number one source for socialization. At your age, and really at any age, you're still becoming who are you, who you'll be. Perhaps you're not just a social creature.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 3, 2010

    I agree w/ you that it doesn't necessarily mean you're depressed. I live a very isolated life myself...many would say lonely, but if I'm happy, that's all that matters. I'm an only child, nev had many friends & if so, it's 1 other friend during diff periods in my life (I was nev part of a grp of pals). I hv my BF who I see almost daily & a female pal that I may hv lunch w/ every few mos or longer, but that's literally it. I don't really get to meet new people, I guess I'm not out enough. Sure, it would be nice to hv 1 or 2 good friends to go out w/ every few wks, but it hasn't really happened for me.

    Everyone does things their own way. If for the last almost 2 yrs, you haven't felt social, then maybe you're priorities are changing & it's not about friends all the time, parties, etc. My BF's divorced mom on the other hand has a gals' night in w/ her friends once a wk w/o fail. That's fine & all, but I don't see myself ever doing that kind of thing.

    I agree w/ JustMe. I almost like animals more than people & this board is my main socialilzation as well. I'm glad I have my dog because he's great company. And I'm still fairly young & single, so it's not like I'm some older person who's sick of people because I've been there & done that. Not everyone has to be the social type.

    I've PM'd you! :)
     
  10. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    Oct 3, 2010

    Here's my question...are you okay with not seeing your friends?

    I'm not the most social person either! In fact, I just moved 5 hours away from ALL my friends and family to an area where I knew nobody! I worried that I would miss them and not make new friends. After a few months I have realized that I enjoy the small town I'm in and I love the time to myself without the pressures of constantly having to go out with my friends. Don't get me wrong...I love my friends dearly and miss them, but I don't HAVE TO be around them all the time. I love my monthly weekend visit back home where I am inundated with friends and family time. Once it's time to leave though, I don't talk to some of them until the next visit! I've had my time and I'm set for a while.

    Some people just prefer a more solitary lifestyle! There is nothing wrong with that...as long as YOU are happy with it!!! :)
     

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