Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.
Aug 7, 2008
Sniff, Sniff and I am chopped liver?
Maybe I am a STRONG, UNDERSTANDING MAN?
Don't feel bad Dave, some of us just aren't used to men like that!!
I'm sorry this happened Eliza, break-ups are no fun. I think staying where you are is a good decision...just move out and move on. It will be hard, but almost everyone has to go through a horrible break up at least once! Do you have any co-workers that you could talk to? School is such an easy place to make friends if you work with good people. It does suck, but you don't need that kind of aggrivation. Once you move out, get your money back, and have all of your stuff, don't look back. We will be here for you the whole time!
How are you doing today Eliza.
OH Dave! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you out! Of course you are a STRONG, UNDERSTANDING man.
I feel the love
elizak83 feel the love here
You have been given some wonderful advice and compassion now the ball is in your court pick yourself up do what is right for you to move on
Aug 8, 2008
I have to raise my hand and say that I too went through the heartbreak of having a guy walk away from what was supposed to be True Love. I really feel for you with this coming out of the blue.
Now, for the future, you would be wise to build a good support system around yourself so you don't ever have to feel this alone again. And all the advice has been good, especially coming from women who have been through this and understand how devastating it can be.
My story has a happy ending. My situation was that I was a one-man-woman and he wanted to be a two-timing man! It took me a long time to let go. Then I started dating my future husband. We have been together 30 years and he has been faithful and supportive. Many, many days I have said a prayer thanking God that the two-timer walked out of my life! He had some bad characteristics - bad temper and violent. Happily, he straightened out and married a wonderful lady and they have also been married a very long time.
Aug 12, 2008
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words....a few days after I posted this message my bf told me that he was "confused" and just really wanted his space for about a month to think through things because he loved me and he didn't think he wanted to let me go.... We started talking more about future plans, etc. I thought things were getting better.. Then it got weird... he wasn't eating at all or sleeping (neither am I.) He told me he's just stressed out b/c he loves me but wants to make the right decision (and he told me he'd understand if I left him because he's being so unsure of our relationship.) Well I decided to stick it out and deal with it until Labor Day weekend (when he said he would know for sure by.) I know I know...this was probably a bad decision. Especially after what happened last night....
He's been weird lately..he wanted his space, which was fine....but hes been going out w/ his friends ALOT (more than normal.) They live about an hour away sow hen he goes he stays at their houses or his Mom's.
Yesterday everything was pretty normal..made dinner...ate..we were watching tv. Jason went downstairs to go take the dog for a walk... A few minutes later I went downstairs to get adrink and I heard him on the phone in the bathroom. I knocked on the door to ask him a ? and he immediately hung up the phone (the door was locked...we never lock doors around here.) I was sorta suspicious (like..why are you locking hte bathroom talking on the phone.)
Anyways...not to be long winded but I needed to get this out. It turns out he was talking to some girl he met a couple weeks ago...The weekend he told me he wanted out of a relationship. Apparantly hes been seeing her "on the side" and doesn't know what he wants. I was devastated. Here I am thinking things were getting better than I here this. He tried to calm me down all night explaining that he still wanted to be with me and he's just confused and that he thought things were getting better w/ us as well.
I had to take about 4 doses of nyquil to get any sleep last night and I've been a wreck all day ( I can't eat or drink anything or I throw it up.)
He told me he still wants to be w/ me but he's just confused and he still wants the rest of the month to figure things out. I don't know what to do.....:unsure:
Why do you need to wait for him to make a decision? He's cheating on you. The decision should already be made--by you!
You don't need this loser. You're better than that.
As crazy as it is I love him....
I know I shouldn't and that I should leave, but for some strange reason I cant.
Sounds like you're in need of some counseling. No one should have to put up with a cheater who is neither sorry nor sure that he wants to be with you.
I think you need to think about whether or not you are willing to put up with his indecision is because you feel that he is all you have. Would you be more willing to make the decision to leave him if you had family and/or friends nearby?
Oh, my gosh! Show him the door! There's a guy out there who will love you and commit to you completely, and you need to make room in your life for him - not this...person! I have been married to my husband for 33 years, and we've never felt like we needed "space" from each other. It hasn't always been 100% wine and roses, but we were committed to each other, and worked through the little bumpy patches.
I agree with Cassie - counseling would be helpful. We're here for you, but that doesn't take the place of face time with a trained counselor.
I think it would be easier if I had some sort of support system...I called a friend that lives sorta nearby (about an hour away) last night...and she agrees w/ all of you.
Jason asked me not to tell my parents about this new development.....he doesn't want them to "see him in a bad light" if we stay together
Ok...I understand that you can't just turn your feelings off right away, but if it were me, what I would tell him, no matter how much it hurt me--"You might be confused, but I'M not. I don't have time to sit around and wait for you to decide who or what you want." Personally, I wouldn't want somebody this wishy-washy. Only you know what is best for you and what kind of relationship you want. I wish you all the best--I know you have a lot to think about, and it won't be easy with school starting. You will find your way and you will be a stronger woman because of it.
Oh yeah, I totally agree-it's time to go. How does the song go?
These boots are made for walking... and that's just what they'll do.
Put on your big girl pants, gather up every ounce of courage you have and pack your bags. I left my fiance, gave back the ring and never looked back after a similar situation. It was horrible, yes-I lost about 10 pounds, would be so sick with crying I couldn't get off the floor, etc.-but I STAYED AWAY. It only lasted a week or so, and then I felt so free, so great, so PROUD of myself!! Took the number out of my phone, didn't go to any places we might see each other, etc. Done. Cold turkey. You are worth so much more than that, and you need to get out, fast, and stay out. Now I have an amazing husband who would never even look at another girl, let alone talk to her or worse.
Once a cheater, always a cheater? Don't cheat YOURSELF out of another moment of happiness. We're here for you.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You deserve someone who doesn't need time to 'think' about if he loves you and wants to be with you. You deserve someone who doesn't have to 'think' about it...and just knows.
That you are...I don't know about everybody else, but I've come to value the fatherly advise you so generously dispense on this site.
Elizka...I'm so sorry this happened. I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, but, I can send you a big hug.
Now just to be clear, I'm not making assumptions and you've never said anything to lead me in this directions, but how many times has a battered woman said, "I know I should go, but I love him"? He may not have hit you with his fist, but honestly it is emotional abuse to keep dangling "I love you" over your head and continue to see this other woman.
I know it's hard to hear, but you really need to make your move and leave him behind. Step into his shoes, he has an awesome life with you...you have a house together...he has it made. Now he meets another girls, who knows what he's doing with her...so he gets to go out and have a different kind of fun iwth her, then come back to you for his stability. He is taking complete advantage of you. If he was a man he would not ask you to wait while he decides if he should be with another girl or stay with you.
There is ALWAYS someone else.
There is ALWAYS another person to love, and love you.
You do not need to stay in a hurtful relationship, because if he really truly loved you...he'd let you go.
Again, I'm sorry you're hurting and being put through this. But the sooner you end it, the sooner you can begin to heal in a healthy way.
If you were the one who met somebody else and needed a month to decide what to do,,,what would hedo? I doubt that he would sit around thinking and worrying about it. In a month's time, you can either on your way in your new life, or still going through this misery and wondering what he is doing everytime he walks out the door. I get more and more upset everytime I read your update!
Separate names with a comma.