I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, but just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your bf did this you.
     
  2. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I don't know what faith you are...or if you believe in that...but sometimes prayer does help. Ask for strength...it works. I know it sucks right now...my ex of 5 years broke up with me over a freakin' text message!! I was blown away...but it was the best thing in the end. I know it doesn't seem like that now...and it will take time...but slowly, you will get stronger...and not think about him so much during the day. One day you will get to the moment when you can think about him and not burst into tears. You'll smile...be glad for the good times...and be grateful that you have someone even better next to you that can and will commit.

    -hugs-
     
  3. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: I just want you to know, I have been right where you are, though not the separation from family part of it.

    My fiance (at the time), dropped a similar bombshell on me when we had been together for 2 years, and had just gotten engaged in February. By September he told me he was not sure he could provide for me and my kids and he needed to take some time; it was one of the worst times I can remember going through, and I have been divorced so I have a pretty good measuring stick to go by...in any case, I gave him that time. He moved out and got his own place about a half an hour from me, we both began dating other people, even though I did not want to I made myself do it...and by December he came back to me and said he made a big mistake and he was sorry. I made him talk to my kids, who actually were hurt more by this than I was.
    We have been together now for 4 and a half years. So know that it can work out. Give him the space, but do not let him think you need him. As hard as it is, show him you can live without him, EVEN IF YOU CAN'T. Do your own thing, make new friends, go to bookstores, live for YOU. And yes, if it happens, even date if you can. You can't imagine how attractive you will become to him once he sees that you are not going to wither away without him. I can't promise this will work, but it worked for me, and it has worked for other people I know, so it can't hurt to try.
    Other than that... I recommend ice cream, a lot of it, and bubble baths and a nice glass of wine if you drink, and candles. Pamper yourself, because you deserve it. :hugs:
     
  4. titansrst

    titansrst Rookie

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Don't......

    throw yourself into food binges, because you'll wind up with other problems. Nor would I suggest letting your job replace your relationship in terms of intensity. One thing has nothing to do with the other, and doing so could hinder your performance.
    What to do? I wish this were like a cold, because I'd say a bowl of chicken soup and some bed rest will make you feel better. I feel for you and suggest that you seek solace within trusted loved ones and yourself. You will recover, although getting to that point stinks. You will make new friends once school begins. I guess you can devote some time to a project or activity that you have been putting off. You just keep hanging in there and post when you're hurting. There are some truly caring people here...even the grouchy yours truly.
     
  5. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Just letting you know I'm very sorry this has happened to you and I hope you two can work things out--- I hope he realizes what a huge mistake he's making by giving you up and apologizes.

    Even if he doesn't, remember what a great teacher you are, what a good friend you are, and keep taking care of yourself.

    And pray too--- if you're the type of person to. And if you're not, maybe this is a good time to start (pray to anything, it doesn't matter). *hugs*
     
  6. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Hang in there, Elizak83.
     
  7. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 5, 2008

    A Man's Opinion

    Run do not walk out of this relationship Get your money out of the joint account, change the locks, ask him not to come to your place without you being there (and you have a good friend there).
    This is not good for your mind set. Chalk this up to experience and be glad you didn't marry the bum

    I am sorry for being blunt but "Papa Dave" has to look out for you guys this is the same advice I gave my oldest step daughter and she took it (wow she listen to me) she is now married to a good guy (a different guy from the bum)
     
  8. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. The exact same thing happened to a friend of mine recently. She was devasted-they too shared everything for years including bank accounts. After about 2 months apart he came back and said he wanted to get back together again. They signed up for counseling and have been together ever since. Men are a different breed - they can just be dogs sometimes (no offense Dave).

    I can't tell you what to do - other than try to keep your chin up, keep busy with things you love to do so you don't have to think about him.
     
  9. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 5, 2008

    No offense Taken. I know some dogs and one or two have been friends but not any more.
    And Cowgirl I would have told you the same thing if it was you, your case is an exception
     
  10. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Thank you to everyone for your support...I'm just soo confused right now. I'm just keeping my distance for now and figuring out what to do. I have an aunt and uncle that live not too far away and I could go stay w/ them if necessary, I'm debating that. For now I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied...school starts soon and it's a lot to deal w/ while trying to get my classroom in order.
     
  11. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Yes keep busy, take your vitamins, try to get sleep.

    Now, Does you want me to go visit your soon to be ex BF?
    I have a cousin Tony (with no neck) From NYC we can talk to him.......

    All kidding aside
    there are many male code words that have been used here

    night out w/ his friends
    he's just not happy
    commitment phobia
    he just doesn't want a gf anymore
    that he wants to be "free."
    just has to think things through
    he's pretty much made up his mind

    As a man I read them as:
    1). another woman
    2). another man
    3). another Job and he does not want to take you with him
    4). he is just a bum
    5). he is immature

    as has been said before you are too good for him
    so pull up your big girl panties and get on with the rest of your life
    And God bless you

    Sorry again if I am blunt but I do say this with love in my heart
     
  12. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry about this eliza. But like many had said, better to find this out now before you get married. It's a terrible thing to go through, though I've never experienced it. It sounds like he's immature. Keep yourself busy. Know that this is for the best.

    Everything happens for a reason. Your dream boat is out there. :)
     
  13. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

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    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: I can't add anything that hasn't been said, but I wanna know if you both purchased the house, why the heck you have to move out??? Chin up! You're a strong woman and you will survive....oh, do I hear Gloria Gaynor singing? :)
     
  14. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I will add one more thing that I did not in my first post.

    When we got back together, I told him from that point on, we would keep everything separate; bank accounts, money, leases, etc. I kept my word and I have my own account, he has his, and while we sometimes pool the money for certain purchases, I know that if we were to ever part ways again, I would be able to take care of myself and my kids without him. That was a major part of my own decision making process. Having gone through a divorce before and then that situation, I realized that the only person in this world I can count on 100% is ME. You need to know that too, and I am so sorry you have to go through this to get there, but you WILL get through it and you WILL be stronger for having gone through it, regardless of the outcome.
     
  15. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 5, 2008


    How about Helen Reddy
    " I Am Woman "

    I am woman, hear me roar
    In numbers too big to ignore
    And I know too much to go back an' pretend
    'Cause I've heard it all before
    And I've been down there on the floor
    No one's ever gonna keep me down again

    Oh yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can do anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    You can bend but never break me
    'Cause it only serves to make me
    More determined to achieve my final goal
    And I come back even stronger
    Not a novice any longer
    'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

    Oh, yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can face anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    I am woman watch me grow
    See me standing toe to toe
    As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
    But I'm still an embryo
    With a long, long way to go
    Until I make my brother understand

    Oh, yes, I am wise
    But it's wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I've paid the price
    But look how much I gained
    If I have to
    I can face anything
    I am strong (strong)
    I am invincible (invincible)
    I am woman

    Oh, I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong

    I am woman
    I am invincible
    I am strong
    I am woman
     
  16. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I have a good song too. It got me through a lot of tough moments when I went through that time in my life. It is by India Arie, called Strength, Courage and Wisdom

    Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
    Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
    'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
    'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
    Always putting off my living for tomorrow
    It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
    It's been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
    I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my faith
    Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    And it's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
    Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
    But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
    'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
    Running too fast to stop and listen

    It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
    It's been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today
    I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my faith
    Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    And it's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    [Bridge]
    I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
    'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
    Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    It's been inside of me all along,
    Strength, courage, wisdom
    It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

    [Chorus]
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    To find me, yeah,
    Strength, courage, and wisdom
    Inside of me

    Vamp
    I found it in me, I found it finally
    I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you
     
  17. nayelismom

    nayelismom Rookie

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Me, Myself, and I. That's what I got in the end. From now on I'm gonna be my own BF

    I was thinking the same thing.

    I have a similar story. My high school sweet-heart and I got married when we were 19 and 20 respectively. We'd known each other since 14, 15. About two years after we got married (right before my 21st b-day) he decided that he wanted to figure out what "his life was w/out me". I was devastated. I moved back home since I was going to school and had a p/t job and frankly, I wanted to be "home". I tried chasing his butt for a while but then one day, I said...forget that. So I went out for my 21st birthday with friends and had a blast. I started meeting people, dating...and then all of the sudden guess who came wagging his tail at my door. (Well, that was about six months after.) By then, I was in my angry phase and shut him down. He kept coming around but I had started dating and was so over him and filed for divorce. I was in a relationship and right when it was going "no-where fast", I got pregnant with my daughter and my whole world fell apart. Things didn't work out with the "baby daddy" and myself. One day, when I was about 4 months pregnant, my ex showed up at my door and said he wanted to be there for me...as a friend. And that's how it was...we were best friends. He was there the day my daughter was born. He would sleep on my couch to help me and loved my daughter dearly...like his own. Fast forward four years and we are now RE-married (nearly 3 years after we were divorced) with a son of our own as well as my daughter whom he raises as his daughter and credits with saving our "ETERNAL LOVE".

    NOW----this is a weird story with a happy ending but I DID insist on counseling and many other things before we got back together. We discussed a lot of the things that we were feeling and our thoughts about our future. Counseling helped him through some issues and helped me get over the fact that he abandoned me and the fear that he would do it again. We continue to communicate and have a wonderful relationship. I realized in counseling that I depended a lot on him for approval, self assurance, guidance, self respect and he began to resent that but wasn't able to verbalize it. He felt that he was just an extension of me and I was an extension of him. We weren't individuals anymore. So, he asked for his "space" so he could figure that out. Obviously, the wrong way. :whistle:

    Work on your self. Love your self. Get to know yourself again. Figure out what you want. DO NOT define your future based on anyone else but YOU. A husband (bf) can walk out on us anyday, our children will grow up and build their own futures, our parents will move on, siblings will move on...in the end you have YOU! Have fun...with yourself...by yourself! And when you meet that perfect man...he will be icing on your "YOU" cake!

    Don't get me wrong!!!! I love my husband and children dearly...but I also love me.
     
  18. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I have had this happen to me-he said almost the same things. It turned out that he was cheating on me. I'm not saying that's what your boyfriend is doing, but be careful. I made a lot of mistakes around that time. I was so heartbroken that I begged him to take me back and I will always regret that. Live your own life and if makes the effort, then consider it if it feels right to you.
     
  19. Carmen13

    Carmen13 Groupie

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    Aug 6, 2008

    Eliza, I am sorry for you. It would break my heart if something like that happened to me. I think you need to cry those tears and move on...

    If he truly loves you, he will fight to have you back.
     
  20. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2008

    I went through this a little over a year ago... well similar. I thought everything was fine and then it slapped me in the face.
    My best advice is to make friends - even if they are casual friends - and get out. Make an attempt to be social and focus on school-work-your pets- everything else.
    I would avoid ever taking him back - at least anytime soon. My ex's father had a tendency to walk out on his mom repeatedly. Just for a few days - but this gave my ex the ok to do it also. I let it happen once. The second time, never again.
    Also, next time, I would avoid mixing finances until you're actually married - this will save a lot of hassell.
    I have since found a wonderful new boyfriend who ... is perfect for me.
     

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