I'm so upset I can't stop crying

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by elizak83, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Ok..so I mostly just lurk on here (I post sometimes..)

    I have no one to turn to and no one to talk to so I'm posting this here. Sorry I'm being such a downer, I'm just soo upset.

    My boyfriend and I have lived together for the past 2 years. Everything was going great...we were even vaguely planning our planning (not engaged...but we wanted to get married in Puerto Rico.) We share everything..finances...our house..our pets..etc.
    My bf came home yesterday after a night out w/ his friends and dropped a bombshell. He wants to break up. He said that he'll help me find an apt. to move into in Sept. and he's just not happy (keep in mind we recently were planning a vacation for this winter break...we signed up for a martial arts class that starts in the fall...and we're in the middle of major renovation of our house.) He said he has a commitment phobia and he just doesn't want a gf anymore and that he wants to be "free."

    This morning he told me that he just has to think things through and he's not exactly sure....and to give him a couple weeks..then I talked to him this afternoon (he called me from work.) And he said he's pretty much made up his mind and that he can even move out for the time being if necessary.

    I'm soo upset and distraught that I don't know what to do..it's even hard to type because I keep crying. We are each others best friend..this can't be happening:(
    P.S. We live in an area where I have no family and very few friends so I have basically no support system. When I move out I'm going to be completely lost:(

    Sorry...I just had to vent :thanks:
     
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  3. ready2teachintx

    ready2teachintx Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I am so sorry to hear this. That is very sad and you know you can vent here and there is a great support system. My advice is to talk to him. Find out more info...why does he want to move? Why after 2 years together does he decide that he has comittment issues? If discussing this gets to no where then he can move out and try time away for a few weeks and then ya'll can reevaluate the situation. Break-ups are no fun and it is hard when you have not support system. But I do think that you deserve more elaboration on this from him. Hugs to you:hugs:
     
  4. Learner4Life

    Learner4Life Cohort

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Awe! I am so sorry!!!!! You have just typed out one of my greatest fears!!!! I'm in the same situation as you, no family, no friends, no support system close by. I have often thought about what I would do if my bf ever left me.
    I guess what I decided was that I would give myself a few days to recover, gain a few pounds eating a pint or 10 of ice cream, sleep a lot, and concentrate on what I really wanted. THEN I would get my ass up, call someone who I thought I could trust close by (which I know may be someone you might not know very well, but you gotta reach out to someone!) and make some new friends. School will start soon and you can throw your thoughts into making this year the best year ever for your students and yourself and eventually, you'll realize that you are happy again and everything will be alright.

    I am so sorry this happened. :hugs:
     
  5. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Aww, I know all too well that sick feeling you have in your stomach and that aching in your heart :hugs: Being left behind in a relationship is awful. I wouldn't wish that emptiness on my worst enemy. If crying helps, cry. If screaming helps, scream. If eating ice cream helps, gorge yourself. Try to keep busy, and soon you might see the light at the end of the tunnel - at least you didn't marry thee wrong man.

    Come here and vent all you need to, we're here for you!
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2008
  6. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    We've been together for 3 years...all of his past serious relationships (2 others) have been for 3 years. He even told me in the past that he starts to feel "suffocated" after 3 years (he turned 30 a couple weeks ago.) He suggested I go stay w/ my parents for a couple weeks (I have to go there next weekend...but I have work commitments so I can't stay for that long.) He said he's been thinking it over for the past few weeks but he just hasn't said anything. He said he might go stay at his Dad's to think things through (he lives nearby.) This whole thing just sucks... he is basically my whole life down here...everything else I know is in PA.
     
  7. elizak83

    elizak83 Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I had made a cake for dessert last night...I literally just polished off the entire thing:(
     
  8. ecsmom

    ecsmom Habitué

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    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs:I can't offer any better advice than the previous posters but I wanted to send you a hug.
     
  9. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
     
  10. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Aug 5, 2008

    :hugs: eliza. I am sorry that he did not try to talk things through with you before coming to this decision. Maybe after he spends some time at his Dad's he will be able to talk to you about his decision.:(
     
  11. ready2teachintx

    ready2teachintx Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Go visit your family...that will do you wonders. When you return, throw yourself into your work. Sounds like you are getting busy. Make new friendships at work and spend time with some co-workers. New friendships will do you wonders. Also, work will keep you busy. BTW...I love your cake idea;)
     
  12. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Go visit your parents and then make the move out. Even if he decides that he wants you back he should work for it. You can find a short term lease option if that makes you feel better. Make him move out until that time. It will be so much worse if he is there.

    My biggest fear is that my bf will do the same thing without warning. My last bf did and it ruined me. I went to counseling, which also might help.

    I had no friends when he broke up with me in the city so I threw myself into finding them. It was so tiring because I was so sad but eventually it worked.

    It will take a long time to get over and I hate that you have to go through this. Can anyone come to visit you and take care of moving out?

    The one good thing about teaching is that you can't cry in front of the kids. That is what I found out.
     
  13. Lareigna

    Lareigna Companion

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Eliza, everyone here has such good advice. Just be happy that this did not happen after you guys were married. It sounds like he is in a pattern from what you said about his last 2 relationships. You both need some time to think, and them come back and see if you can talk about what happened and what is the best way to go forward.
    Remember you are a strong woman, you can make it on your own. Like everyone else said school is starting soon, just focus on that. :hugs:
     
  14. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I have bee there. I was in the same situation after my divorce. All alone with no one to turn to. I can tell you that it is not going to be easy but it is so muuuuchh better that you found out now before you guys got married. Later you'll realize that he was not the one for you.

    Take one day at a time and focus on you. Soon, school will start and focusing on your work is going to help you heal. During these times, work helps me to keep my mind off and makes me feel better.
     
  15. TeacherMJ

    TeacherMJ Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Oh no...you will make it through this one!!! Come on here and vent...e-mail and call friends...plan a trip to see friends and family soon. Remember that you'll be ok, even if today feels like there is no way to feel better. I have totally been there and understand how the crying seems like it will never end, but just be hopeful that I promise, it will :hugs:
     
  16. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 5, 2008

    First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry this happened & I know you're hurting. Any woman would. My mom always taught me to never be surprised by anything that happens in life & that includes men. The moment he doesn't want you, YOU don't want him! Boyfriends & husbands leave their girlfriends & wives every day. Just be glad you didn't have kids together. (You don't do you?) I know it's easier said than done, but you have to stay strong. You can bawl your eyes out & pig out when you're alone, but in his presence, stand tall & kick him to the curb & tell him to hit the road!

    Don't cry & beg for him to come back because frankly, he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care how many things the two of you had planned, the reality is, when he's had enough, he's had enough. There's nothing you can do. Don't linger around, if he wants to move out now, tell him to get the hell out.

    To get through this breakup, occupy yourself as much as possible. Focus more on work, exercise, hobbies, friends, travelling, reading, etc., to occupy your mind, so you're not thinking about it too much. Whatever you do, don't get obsessed & fall into a depression because believe me, he'll be off somewhere having fun. Now's the time for a makeover! It will be fun! Change your hair & go shopping!

    Plus, if he even thinks he can just come back to you & you'll come crawling back to him, you should definitely give that some serious thought. It depends on how sorry & regretful he is.

    This is the harsh reality of life & you're certainly not the only woman who's gone through this. You'll do just fine & good luck! :)
     
  17. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

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    Aug 5, 2008

    I am so sorry! Hugs to you. Have a good cry, eat some chocolate. Take some time for yourself before school gets going. Keep busy with school and like the above post say, make some new friendships. Coworkers can be a great support!:)
     
  18. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    You deserved that entire cake. :)

    As for this pathetic excuse of a man...he knew he was a committment phobe, yet he has been sharing his finances with you before an engagement/marriage? You had your heart in it and maybe he did at some point, but clearly you were the one really ready for the relationship. I suggest leaving him and don't look back. If he's willing to lose you, then he's not worth your time and your heart. I've been where you are before and I've looked back...and trust me, in the end, it didn't end very well. All men makes mistakes, but there are some mistakes that aren't worth sticking with them through.
     
  19. MsJen

    MsJen Rookie

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    Aug 5, 2008

    This is GREAT advice, girl. Take it a day at a time...I can't imagine going through that myself. I'm in a pretty serious relationship and if my BF were to one day surprise me with that...I'd be crushed too...but the other ladies are right and he himself has even told you he has a commitment phobia, so girl, better now than later, I say! Imagine if you were married and this happened? Divorce is messy. Been there, done that. It's even harder when you have kiddos.

    You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! :hugs: Keep us posted on how things go. Vent anytime. I've found that everyone here is so supportive and ready to listen.
     
  20. mrs.teacher5

    mrs.teacher5 Companion

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    I agree with all. Sorry but I say forget him. He is 30 and has been in serious relationships and always bails after three years. It sounds to me like he has issues certainly not you. Most 30 year old men are ready for commitment. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. The person that you are destined to be with is out there. Try hard not to let him get the best of you. You can do it..sending hugs your way :)
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 5, 2008

    Thank you MsJen!
     

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