I need someone to talk to. Please help?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by pinkcupcake90, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Jan 8, 2017

    Hi, everybody.

    I hope you're all doing well. I need some advice or a shoulder to lean on. Something terrible happened.

    Last Thursday, I found out that one of my students from last year was murdered by gang violence. On top of that, one of my family members is terminally ill and battling a terrible disease.

    It's 11:00 PM on Sunday night, and I have so much anxiety and sadness. I've been crying all day and battling a terrible cold. I don't want to miss work tomorrow, but the thought of going to school terrifies me.

    I am a long-term sub for the second year in a row. I'm hoping to be offered a contracted position this year since one of the English teachers is retiring. If I take off work tomorrow, this will be my second absense. I'm just not myself and I can't stop crying and thinking of the student I lost.

    I love this job, but I feel like I can't work tomorrow. Am I going to lose my job or my ability to get hired permanently?
     
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  3. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Fanatic

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    Jan 8, 2017

    I am so sorry for your loss. Finding out a student has passed away is so difficult - I've been there twice. It never gets easier and the tragedy of the sudden death of a young person is so hard.

    You are not well enough to teach tomorrow - take a sick day. One spring 3 members of my family died and then a student passed away. One day I had a melt down at school and could not stop crying. Eventually my principal told me to go home and she got a sub to cover my class the rest of the day. She told me I was not well enough to teach.

    You will not lose your job or put a future job opportunity at risk by staying home and taking care of yourself.

    ETA: Please find someone in your community of family and friends to talk about this with. You should not have to carry this grief alone.
     
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  4. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Jan 8, 2017

    Thank you so much. I think I will contact the school now and try to get a sub for tomorrow. I am just not myself today at all. I keep seeing his face and I melt down and start sobbing. It's been a really rough couple of days.

    I do have therapy in a couple of days, so maybe this will help. I actually have an anxiety disorder, but I'm slowly learning how to take the reins and control my emotions. It's just so hard when something so unexpected happens. :(

    I really appreciate your help. Thanks so much for talking to me. <3
     
  5. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Jan 8, 2017

    Oh Pinkcupcake, I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. Please give yourself the time to grieve, if you feel you have to go in it's still ok to mourn at work - It's ok for the students to see us when we are going through the natural reaction to losing people. I really agree with MissScrimmage that the principal will understand if you decide to take time for yourself. Whatever your decision I send a hug and shoulder.
     
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  6. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Jan 9, 2017

    Pinkcupcake, let me just say that you deserve to feel well and that should be your first priority. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to focus on anything else. Therapy is a good place to work on that, but don't think you have to 'control' your emotions. Emotions are meant to be felt and pushing them down has terrible long-term ramifications. Of course, you can't go around crying all day long at work. But, once you have worked through some of the sadness with a trusted helper, and begin to find alternatives to falling apart, you can respect your feelings and get on with your life. Do keep reaching out here, also. We have so many caring, compassionate members who can relate to what you are facing.
     
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  7. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jan 9, 2017

    How are you now that you've had time to sit down and process everything? Hoping you're doing some things that make YOU happy.
     
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  8. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Jan 9, 2017

    You guys are the best. Thank you so much.

    I'm doing all right. I'm supposed to be working, but I'm watching Family Guy and snuggling with my kitty. :)

    I'm definitely going to call my therapist first thing tomorrow. I feel like I need a regular therapy appointment once or twice a week until I'm stable again. I seem to cry at random times throughout the day. Life is so hard. I'm afraid of being alone.

    I have a trip planned over spring break to go to Costa Rica. I think I'm going to take that vacation. It'll give me something to look forward to.

    Please keep me in your prayers, everybody. I know you might not believe me when I say this, but all the love and support you've shown me throughout my first year of teaching has meant the world to me. I never realized how fellow educators can be so sweet and kind. Thank you so much, from my heart of hearts. I love you all. <3
     
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  9. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Habitué

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    Jan 9, 2017

    Truthfully if they can't be compassionate enough to understand, do you EVEN WANT to work there anyway?
     
  10. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    I think I want to leave this district. After what happened to my student, it made me realize that maybe I should be teaching somewhere else. :( I just hope I'll be able to remember him without crying. My heart is so heavy right now.
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jan 9, 2017

    Give it time. The hurt doesn't end, but it does soften a little.

    As for therapy, I have a counseling appointment tomorrow myself. One of the best investments I've made in a long time, and I'm not even in that bad shape. You're doing all the right things.
     
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  12. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Jan 9, 2017

    Pinkcupcake.... Coming in a little late but just wanted you to know I will keep you, the student's family and your family in my prayers. It is tough to go through that and to put your family member's health issues on top... You need to take a little time to make sure you are OK.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2017
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  13. pinkcupcake90

    pinkcupcake90 Companion

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    Jan 10, 2017

    Thank you so much, dear friend. You're right, I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of my students. I need to remember that from now on.

    Thank you for your sweet words and support! :heart:
     
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  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Jan 11, 2017

    Sorry... Should have been Pink... Fixed it.
     
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