Holding on for four More months, or pulling the plug?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by LittleShakespeare, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 27, 2019

    Today was the worst day of my teaching career. Not only did I have to write a rebuttal for my failed observation and write up a student for verbally assaulting me and trying to come at me; I had a panic attack while I was driving, and it almost made me crash.

    I wanted to be a Viking. I wanted to prove to myself that I could survive until June. I also care so much about what others think about me. I don’t want to be seen as a failure. But things got really, really bad today. I asked myself if I want to be miserable for the next four months.

    I spoke to my union rep on the phone just now, and he told me I could retract my resignation date and put in my 60-days notice now. Would it matter if I left mid-year? My last day of work would be the day we get back from spring break, April 28th.

    You all have warned me about my health, and I didn’t listen. :( I am truly sorry. This school is hell. The kids are impossible, and the administration is comprised of incompetent individuals who abuse and bully their staff. My VP gave me a 2.57 and 2.59 on both of my observations, and I’m so sick of her pestering me over the littlest things, like not having black tape instead of blue tape on the chalkboard or using “inappropriate language” like, “Finish your test, Allison. You’ve got this!”

    I’ve never ever been this unhappy, and I actually am thinking of switching careers. I honestly don’t want to be a high school teacher anymore, or at least for a while. I’m just scared of what comes next. I’ll have two months to figure it out, but am I making a mistake? And whatever you tell me this time, I will listen. I will learn from the expert teachers here.

    Thank you. :heart:
     
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  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Feb 27, 2019

    Again, if you know you don't want to teach anymore, quit now.
     
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  4. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 27, 2019

    There was a time when I really did love it. Now, all I want is an office job with a cubicle, a stack of books, and my laptop. Even if I did want to return to teaching later, this will look bad, right? I wanted to go on medical leave, but there’s such a stigma around mental health. My close friend (not a teacher) told me I’ll never get employed anywhere again if I disclose that I was on medical leave. :(
     
  5. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Feb 27, 2019

    I don't agree with your friend. Teachers are in great demand in many communities around the country and admitting you sought help for anxiety would be a positive, in my opinion.
    There are many, many teachers who suffer emotional problems and seek successful help. Nowadays, teaching is just too stressful for lots of people.
     
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  6. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Thank you so much. I’m so confused. Maybe I had a bad day, and maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow Morning and listen to “High Hopes” by Panic! at the Disco on my morning commute, and feel like I can prove to myself that I can stay till June. It’s a vicious cycle. Do you know our bathroom has not been mopped since September? That’s the smell I associate with this school. It’s a nightmare, and I fear for my life every day. I just wonder if this black spot on my resume will follow me around for the rest of my life. :(
     
  7. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Feb 27, 2019

    Why do you fear for your life every day?
     
  8. pommom

    pommom Comrade

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    Feb 27, 2019

    Use your sick and personal days when you need a mental break, just use them all.
    In the past, I was on medical leave for a couple months from teaching due to my mental health. When I applied for another teaching job elsewhere the next year, I never mentioned my leave. There was no reason to.
     
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  9. pommom

    pommom Comrade

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    Feb 27, 2019

    I would say stick it out. You are more than half way done. That way you can get paid during the summer while you look for another job.
     
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  10. vickilyn

    vickilyn Guru

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    Feb 27, 2019

    Well, we are a day away from March. Two weeks off in April for break, a three day weekend in May, and then end of school year about mid June. I'm counting something like 3 months, tops, left. Previous posts have indicated that you need the money to live, or maybe I misread your posts. It seems to me that what you are talking about is a month and a half past your 60 days notice date. Only you know whether or not you need that money to live. An earlier post stated that you are "thinking about teaching college instead of high school, or possibly going into writing, publishing, or archival studies." In that case, no harm done if you bail. However, if money becomes tight, I suspect that the trip you would like to take will have to go by the wayside. Personally, and I do mean my own choice, I would suck it up for that last 1.5 months. You do tend to fluctuate in your choices and decisions, so I would be very careful not to make a rash decision that might come back to haunt you going forward. Once again, just my own personal decision. Best of luck.
     
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  11. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Feb 28, 2019

    Thanks, everybody. :)
     
  12. greendream

    greendream Cohort

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    Feb 28, 2019

    I can tell you as an admin, it would not be a positive for me.
     
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  13. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Knowing as we do, that many teachers suffer from anxiety, why would you consider seeking help a negative?
     
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  14. vickilyn

    vickilyn Guru

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    This is when you let HPPA become your best friend.
     
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  15. greendream

    greendream Cohort

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    In the context of hiring potential candidates, I'm not going to look at having anxiety as an advantage over others who want the job.
     
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  16. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    It's kind of sad that anxiety is stigmatized, but diabetes isn't. High blood pressure isn't. Cancer isn't. We live in a society where you are not allowed to be emotionally unwell, otherwise you get weird looks or isolation. Green Dream just confirmed my biggest fear. That's why I never even considered going on medical leave.

    I failed at this particular school because I was targeted, harassed, and abused by the administration and the students. A toxic work environment is more likely to change me than I am to change it. Nevertheless, my anxiety doesn't define me. I can offer so much to a student and to the world even if I'm emotionally unwell. Still, teaching high school is not for me. Even if I were to get hired at a school with an administrator like Green Dream, I would not want the job at all. I want an administration that's supportive and doesn't frown upon weakness.
     
  17. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Feb 28, 2019

    If you ever do take medical leave, remember that you don't need to share why you had medical leave (at least in the US). It is a matter of privacy. However, if you volunteer that information, employers can use that information in their determination.
     
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  18. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Thank you. But I'm not going to take a medical leave. Even though I don't want to return to the classroom for a while, I don't want to bring up my condition to anyone. :( It's all right. It's just four more months. I made it this far, right? :)
     
  19. vickilyn

    vickilyn Guru

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    But the applicant is not forced to tell you about anxiety, nor can you legally ask. By federal law, you can't discriminate against someone with a disability, which is what a mental health problem is. If someone receives the proper treatment and/or medication, the anxiety becomes a non-issue. HPPA should be in every person's mind when discussing their health at work. a2z is right on target with her answer.
     
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  20. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Feb 28, 2019

    If we only had crystal balls to see our future.

    I know you said you weren't, but isn't having more information in case something were to happen better than having less?

    :)
     
  21. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    What I mean is that I am not interested in taking a medical leave for mental health. Of course it's good to have information. That's why I asked for help. However, after considering all the advice here and after thinking about it for a while, I just figured it's best to stick it out.
     

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