HELP! I don't like my new apartment...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Oct 10, 2011.

  1. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    So I recently moved out of my relatives basements into the upper floor of a townhouse. At first it was great...some space away from my family, being literally 2 minutes from my boyfriend's apartment...nice area...roommate(who owns the house) works nights, so I (mostly) have the house to myself.

    However, it's now been almost a week and a half and I am finding that I don't like it here anymore. Maybe you all can offer some advice? Here are the issues I have:

    1) I live on the 4th floor of the house, so all the heat rises. It's almost always too hot at night. I feel uncomfortable adjusting the thermostat because even though I pay rent it's not my house. (I went into roommate's room while she was out and it was just as hot in her room, except she has no fan. So I don't think heat bothers her)

    2) Roommate has two dogs, one of which sleeps/lounges in his bed at the bottom of the stairs. (He's a german shepar, rott weiler mix, so pretty big. I am not scared of him, but every morning, it is a pain to step over him trying not to lose my balance, especially if I have a bunch of binders and school stuff in my hands. He has been sleeping there for 10 years, so I don't think she is going to change it)

    3) I never know when roommate is going to be home (ie: She has been home Saturday, Sunday and Monday. She occasionally posts her work schedule on the fridge, but not all the time. I feel weird asking her to do so). So I don't really feel relaxed

    4) She is like too trusting. She leaves the sliding glass door to the basement unlocked whenever she isn't home (she works from 3 p.m. to 3 a.m. most days) so the dogs can go outside and pee whenever they feel like it. She also leaves the front door unlocked when she walks the dogs (even at night) and she has no blinds in the kitchen, so u can see straight into her house all the way to the family room

    5) I feel uncomfortable having company downstairs unless I know for sure she is going to be out all night because it's HER t.v. in the family room.

    6) Roommate's other dog has psychological issues. So if he is not wearing his shock collar he barks. A LOT. LOUDLY. When roommate is home, she lets him walk loose on the 2nd floor. If he hasn't seen me for awhile, he "greets" me by barking. A LOT. LOUDLY. If I pet him then go to pet the German/Rott, he gets jealous I guess and barks even more. Sometimes she has to pick him up so he'll calm down.

    7) Recently, I brought some chicken home from KFC. I guess the dogs aren't used to the fried smell (roomate is very health conscious) because they went CRAZY. The little one kept jumping up on my leg, whimpering, pacing back and forth between my legs. The Rott/German sat a few feet away and just stared at me. :eek: Even though he's friendly, he is still a BIG DOG. I felt really uncomfortable.

    My roommate kept trying to shoo them away, but they wouldn't leave me alone. When she left the room to go to the bathroom, the big dog came over to me and started licking my legs and trying to lick my fingers. Finally, I put my food away in the fridge. I wasnt done but i was tired of being hassled. The two dogs spent the next 30 minutes sniffing and pawing at the carpet underneath the table where I'd been eating, I guess looking for crumbs

    I talked to my boyfriend about it and he understands my concerns but he is like, "You need to give it at least six months"

    I talked to my Mom and she said she wouldn't like the living situation, especially the dogs

    Edit: Right now I can hear my roommate downstairs in the kitchen. I want to go make myself a sandwich but I am instead sitting upstairs hungry because I don't want to:

    1) To talk to her (she's nice but I don't feel like socializing)

    2) Pretend to enjoy the dogs, especially if they decide to start bugging me for my food

    3) Let her see me carrying food upstairs to my room
     
  2.  
  3. JustMe

    JustMe Guru

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    8,007
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    Hmmm. Sorry you are feeling uncomfortable. :( My question is this: did you know this girl beforehand, and if so, how well?
     
  4. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2005
    Messages:
    3,602
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    Move. I used to have room mates in college. I was happiest when I was able to get an apartment and live on my own.
     
  5. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    I met her on Craigslist because my only girl that is financially stable enough to be a good roommate has her own place and doesn't want to live with anyone (even though she is always complaining she is lonely and for the last year she packs a bag every Friday and stays at her parents house until Sunday night)

    So did I. I want to live alone so badly, but the only place in my price range is an efficiency the size of a closet and it costs $785. That's not including internet, cable, utilities or washer and dry which you pay with quarters. I want to be on my own, but I don't want to have to use my entire pay check to pay rent (I make about $900 per check)
     
  6. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2006
    Messages:
    1,081
    Likes Received:
    12

    Oct 10, 2011

    Your concerns seem typical of living with another person whom you don't know. I would give it time and look into your own space if need be. I would rather live in a tiny studio than have a room mate, but I understand that finances or life situations might be a reason.

    But why can't you go make yourself a sandwich and take it to your room? You just feel uncomfortable? I would too but remember you are paying her money for those living privileges.
     
  7. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Phenom

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    4,200
    Likes Received:
    20

    Oct 10, 2011

    How much thought did you put into the move before making it?

    Why are you so uncomfortable with the roommate? Is it someone that you knew already, or is she a stranger? I love my friends, but I don't want to live with any of them. I tried it once for a year. Not for me. I certainly don't want to live with a stranger. Maybe you're just better suited to living alone. I had no trouble living with my parents, and I love living by myself. It's even been an adjustment for me to live with DH.

    Did you know about the dogs before agreeing to the living arrangement? I love my dog . . . but she is not allowed in the room when we are eating. I do not like eating at homes of people who allow dogs in the kitchen during food prep or in the eating areas when food is being served.

    I sleep with my windows open a lot, and I don't fret when a door is left open or unlocked. But, I also know my neighborhood really well. We always have the blinds up on the front door, the curtains open in the living room, and the blinds open in the bathroom and kitchen. Could you be worrying about it too much?

    I was much, much happier living alone in a small dorm room and later in an "efficiency" apartment (motel that rented by the week) that I was living with a roommate.

    I have always had a list of "needs", a list of "wants", and lists of things that negotiable and non-negotiable. Some of it may be the "newness" of it all, and you just need to get used to living in a new situation. It will be especially challenging to come into someone else's space when that person is established in the residence. I would give it awhile longer, and see if things change. Not talking things over with your roommate won't help matters, though. I wouldn't give up just yet, though. A week and a half isn't long at all.

    ***Sorry I repeated a couple of questions. I replied when there were no replies, but I didn't post until later!
     
  8. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,194
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    Hmmmm... well, she CHOSE to allow you to move in. So, you shouldn't feel bad about using her TV or having company over. If I got a roommate, I wouldn't think twice if they had company over and were watching tv. That's just how it is when you live with roommates.

    I get the feeling about the dogs. I'm not crazy about dogs. But, if you're hungry, then go get food and don't feel bad about bringing it up to your room. Is there a rule about no food in bedrooms?
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,500
    Likes Received:
    29

    Oct 10, 2011

    So sorry you finally got your own place & then you have to go through all this! I'd be looking to move outta there ASAP. There are way too many things going on that you don't need to deal w/! This is why I've never had a roommate & never plan to.

    It looks like most of these issues, like the 1st 4 things you said should have been talked about before you moved in. This is mainly your roommate's fault for not giving you some background of how she does things. I'm most concerned about your safety w/ her leaving doors unlocked & having no blinds. Doesn't she think about people possibly lurking around outside, peeping toms, rapists, etc.? This hasn't been a safe world in a long time, so it's a shame that she behaves so nonchalantly about it.
     
  10. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    She is a stranger. I met her on Craigslist and decided to give it a shot because some ladies at work had good experiences doing similar thing. My prefence was to live with someone I know, but my friends are all either: married, not financially stable or not interested in having a roommate.

    I may be being a little too cautious, BUT about a 5 - 7 minute drive away from here, is the "bad" part of town. The part where there are shootings, bugularies and such. Where I am now is really nice, but I worry about those others coming here...I know it sounds ridiculous but a long time ago waaaay before I even considered moving where I am, my boyfriend was talking about the neighborhood I live in being a target because the wealthy people who live her have a false sense of security

    I couldn't agree more! We are two women living alone and honestly, it annoys me to have to be fully dressed when I go to the kitchen. I can't go down in my underwear and tank top because anyone outside can see me. Even when I am home alone.:mad:
     
  11. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,404
    Likes Received:
    5

    Oct 10, 2011

    I think a lot of it comes with time. Ask her if she has a regular schedule, no big deal. Get a small dorm type fridge and microwave for snacks, drinks, and things like that so you don't have to socialize if you don't want to. Everyone else has covered the other stuff I thought of.
     
  12. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    So these complaints I have, do you all think they are deal breakers or growing pains since this is the first time (since college) that I have had to live with roommates. College roommate experience wasn't great...1st apartment the roommmates like to throw wild parties, stay up late (i was the only one with early classes) and drink heavily. 2nd apartment my roommate had serious issues -- she liked to smoke pot, had night terrors and used to have random guys in the suite living there for weeks at a time. I'd step out of the bathroom to my room in a towel and there'd be like random guy standing there grinning at me. :eek:
     
  13. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,500
    Likes Received:
    29

    Oct 10, 2011

    5 min away from shootings & burglaries! :eek: I don't know how you close your eyes at night. I'd be ready to have a gun myself to protect myself. Yes, you don't want to live there & there's nothing worth giving it any longer to "get used to". Move fast!

    Good luck!
     
  14. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,404
    Likes Received:
    5

    Oct 10, 2011

    The safety issues are deal breakers, definitely talk to her about that and see how it goes, the other stuff is growing pains.

    There are dog doors made for sliding glass doors and I don't think they are too expensive, but I don't remeber for sure.
     
  15. Joyful!

    Joyful! Cohort

    Joined:
    May 5, 2009
    Messages:
    617
    Likes Received:
    3

    Oct 10, 2011

    I have a different perspective. She is comfortable because it is her domain. You are uncomfortable because you do not feel at home. So, what makes home a home?
    1. You seem to have discomfort with the dogs. Try befriending them to a degree. Just pet one. Give it a treat. Do something to establish your presence with the animals.

    2. A roommate doesn't care if you eat in your room. A parent does. Maybe the fact that you left your uncle and aunt makes this discomfort feel worse than it should.

    3. What areas of the home are common? It should be living, dining and kitchen. You should be able to utilize those areas at will.

    4. I would give it a year. You are focusing on things that take time to have become comfortable.

    Hang in there. :)
     
  16. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2006
    Messages:
    2,441
    Likes Received:
    1

    Oct 10, 2011

    Can I ask why you moved out of your family home if your only roommate option was a stranger on Craigslist? As a mom, I wouldn't allow my daughter to move into someone's house they met through Craigslist. Can you go back home until you're better able to afford a place of your own?
     
  17. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Phenom

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    4,200
    Likes Received:
    20

    Oct 10, 2011

    A lot of this will depend on your age, too. Things that were deal-breakers for me in my 20's wouldn't even bother me now. Things that I used to find not annoying are things that I wouldn't even consider putting up with in my 40's.
     
  18. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,866
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    I would give it time also. Talk to her about feeling more comfortable with the doors locked, but I think everything else would not be a deal breaker.
     
  19. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    13,030
    Likes Received:
    417

    Oct 10, 2011

    I don't think that any of these things are dealbreakers. Even being "5-7 minutes away" from the bad area of town...meh. That's still several miles. In my city you're lucky if you can drive for 7 minutes before hitting a rough patch. There are little rough spots all over town, some bigger than others, but they are in literally every neighborhood.

    Even so, the doors should be locked, no matter where you live. Speak to your roommate about locking the doors at all times. If she's not willing to do this after you explain that you're concerned about safety, then it's a dealbreaker.

    Eat your food wherever you want. Your room, the dining room, whatever. If the dogs are bugging you, put them in another room or outside. Some dogs have bad manners, but they're not bad dogs. You can try doing a little doggy training, even just during meal times.

    Turn on the A/C when you need it. Presumably you are paying for electricity, either outright or through your rent. If you need it on, turn it on.

    Scoot the dog bed over a few feet so that it's not directly under the stairs, and explain to your roommate that you don't want to trip over it or the dog.

    Be a little more assertive. Ask for what you want. Not everyone has the same habits or expectations. There's always a learning curve when it comes to living with new people. Give it some time.
     
  20. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    My family is wonderful, but living with them can be emotionally draining. The main reason I moved out of my parents house and in with my Aunt and Uncle is because my parents have serious issues and they often use me as a buffer. My mom used to get mad at me for spending the weekend at my boyfriend's house and guilt trip me or try to make me feel bad about it because she wanted me home to keep her company.

    However, living with my relatives proved just as stressful at times and even though I am 27 years old and paid a little less than what I pay now I had to deal with -

    1) Not being allowed to have my boyfriend spend the night or even be allowed to hang out in my bedroom with him. Sorry for the T.M.I, but 99.9% of the time, we weren't even wanting to be intimate, just to have some privacy to talk and relax together. (Honestly, doing it in my relatives house is a big turn OFF):lol:

    We had to stay in the common family area at all times, then my Aunt would complain we were hogging the t.v.

    2) Whenever Mom was upset with Dad, she'd come over to my Aunt's house and vent and go on and on to me and Aunt about how terrible Dad is.

    3) My mom and aunt were constantly guilt tripping me about not doing more stuff for my aging Grandmother. Like for Thanksgiving, my Grandmother's other children and my cousins were all able to go back home after dinner, whereas it was expected that I sleep in the same bed with Grandma (who wets herself and has episodes where she thinks people in the television are talking to her) while my Mom and Aunt got to relax in seperate rooms with their husbands.

    When I asked, "Why doesn't <insert my Aunts and Uncles names> have to do that, I was berated and told I am a bad granddaughter and not to worry about everyone else.

    4) I was ALWAYS on the front line because all the other cousins and my brother didn't live in the home. Even on my days off, I used to have to do family business. I rarely had time or space to myself. We were off for Ros Hoshana* and instead of coming home, I stayed at my boyfriends house. When I came home, my Mom was angry because she had taken Grandma to the doctor that day and she was like, "You should have come home so you could go too"

    Edit: Perhaps I seem callous or ungrateful, but I my last comment about "always being on the front line" is what really got to me. especially when it comes to Grandma. I love my Mom and Aunt, but I am still young. I want to live my own life too
     
  21. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2010
    Messages:
    1,162
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 10, 2011

    :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
    that is so true. it is all new to me, not my domain. i made my sandwich and ate upstairs in my underwear. it was grrrrrrrrreat!!!
     

Share This Page

test