Has a Student Had a Crush on You?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by Ms. I, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 12, 2009

    It's bound to happen at some point when you teach older kids, especially if you're a fairly young teacher.

    Just out of curiosity, have you guys ever had students have a crush on you? How far did they go to make an impression on you? How did you handle the situation? Share your stories.

    I personally don't work w/ older kids...too smart-assy & rebellious, plus my district only goes up to 8th grade.
     
  2.  
  3. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2006
    Messages:
    1,076
    Likes Received:
    7

    Jun 12, 2009

    I had a student in the 5th grade that had a crush on me. (he wasn't in my class.) When it came time for me to DIBEL kids for end of the year testing, he was one of the kids I tested. When I pulled him out of class all the boys went, "woooo..." and laughed. He was bright red. It was really uncomfortable and he stuttered through the whole test.
     
  4. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Messages:
    6,633
    Likes Received:
    166

    Jun 12, 2009

    I've had this trouble a few times on the high school level. Once I realized the situation, I made sure to never be alone with the student and cut back slightly on my usual sweetness. In my current situation, I have the luxury of having all my contacts recorded if there's ever an issue.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    12,250
    Likes Received:
    175

    Jun 13, 2009

    No crushes, but several of my grade 8 boys told me this week that it would be "cool" if I was their mom! :haha:
     
  6. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Messages:
    3,498
    Likes Received:
    3

    Jun 13, 2009

    Yes, crushes happen, but you just end that by acting like their mothers!

    Seriously, there are boys who will find you to be physically attractive, and there are some who are even bold enough to SAY it (and some who are creepy and say it loudly to see your reaction). You just have to handle it like every other discipline issue.
     
  7. cmgeorge626

    cmgeorge626 Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    Yes, but I teach 1st grade...so it's a little different! It seems like it's been the boys that needed a little extra push anyway, so I've learned to use the fact that they want to make me happy to my (and ultimately their) advantage to encourage them to behave and work hard!
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,640
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jun 13, 2009

    I love working with "older kids"-- I dont' find most of them "smart assy and rebelious" at all.

    But the whole crush thing at this level is important to handle correctly. You certainly want to be mindful of their feelings. But it's important to be aware that you're on dangerous ground here... it's very easy for an adolescent to misinterpret kindness or joking and take it as you reciprocating their feelings.

    A little common sense goes a long way.

    Be careful not to be alone with the kid-- you open a whole can of worms there. Be careful about what you share with him or her-- don't share any personal info that might be interpreted. Basically you want to make the point that, as much as you enjoy teaching him or her, you are NOT "friends." You're an adult and the student is a student-- the crush is a one way street ending in a dead end.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 13, 2009

    I agree Alice! :)
     
  10. LynnB

    LynnB Rookie

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    I had an 8th grader who was possessive of me. He always tried to stand close by and even put his arm around me. I felt sorry for him b/c he didn't have a close relationship with his mother--but I couldn't be his mother! I told him that he was invading my space, but it took threatening to send him to the principal to get my point across. He didn't like me much after that, but I didn't know how else to handle the situation. Sadly, this kid was murdered about two years after this--he was beaten to death and dumped into a creek (a drug-related incident). I always wondered if I could have handled things differently.
     
  11. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    17,352
    Likes Received:
    19

    Jun 13, 2009

    :hugs: Lynn. Sorry to hear about this student's murder. I think regardless, he would have gotten caught up in it.
     
  12. each1teach1

    each1teach1 Cohort

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2007
    Messages:
    718
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    oh. Wow. That's SO sad. Im sorry to hear that. Don't carry that cross though. Coulda, shoulda, woulda will kill you. Just remember every day that you have an opportunity to make an impact with your kindness. But don't think that your every kind act will make a "Disney" impact on a kid's life.

    That kind of reminds me of a kid I knew my sophomore year in HS. She was a freshman in marching band and she LOVED it, but her grandmother, who was raising her, made her quit saying that she didn't have time to waste on band; she needed to study and make good grades to prepare her for the future. Six years later, on her way to work during her sophomore year of college, she was killed in a freak tragic accident where an 18 wheeler over turned and flipped off an off ramp onto her car which was passing underneath. If her grandma had only known.
     
  13. MrsTeacher2Be

    MrsTeacher2Be Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2008
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    I've actually had a few separate issues with different students this year. Unfortunately, I teach the "problem children" (not my quote) and they're ALL brave enough to tell you, in front of God and everybody. I had one flat out say that when I got home that night he would be in my bed waiting for me. I told him that if I ever came home to find ANY student in my home, much less my bed, police would be called. Then he and I had a private chat outside in the hallway in front of cameras about the situation. A few days later I was walking through the room monitoring work when he stopped me and started messing with my pants. I felt sure he was playing, but I was extremely uncomfortable and turned him in to the office. He got five days ISS and we had no more problems after that.
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 14, 2009

    LynnB & each1teach1, that's truly sad.

    These are interesting to read, especially since I personally never really work w/ older kids. Post more experiences! :)
     
  15. LynnB

    LynnB Rookie

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 14, 2009

    My first year teaching was in Sp Ed, and I had an assistant who was very young, soft spoken, pretty, and married. One particular senior boy had a crush on her, and even though he wasn't in our room, he dropped by every chance he got to "visit." He was a clown and we enjoyed his visits. When prom came around, this boy asked my ast to prom--of course she said no. He pretended to be heartbroken. By the end of the year, he had also proposed to her. The ast took it all in stride. The boy is married now, and I see him often. He has never asked me about that ast who moved away.
     
  16. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 15, 2009

    I'm currently a sub again & the only time a student had a crush on me (that I was aware of) was when this 2nd or 3rd grade kid, who I've been working w/ for a couple wks, said I LOVE YOU & just acted like he was in love! I was nice, but sticked to business.

    A yr or so later, when I returned to the school, I happened to work w/ the kid again & he was of course older & probably completely forgot he acted the way he did before.
     
  17. Ron6103

    Ron6103 Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    831
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 15, 2009

    I actually had this issue (or what was similar to this anyway) with a male student... a freshman boy. As a young teacher, I had been warned about this sort of thing, and made sure to never be alone with female students, watch what I say, etc, but never with the males... so oops.

    This boy was in my homeroom, and it started innocently enough that I didn't notice there was a problem. He would constantly chat with me, stand at my desk, ask to sit in my chair, etc. Then he began to volunteer to grade papers, help clean, etc. At that point, I thought it was a bit odd, but didn't really think beyond that.

    Then though he started stopping by my room when nobody else was there. I finally realized there was a problem when he asked for my phone number (whoa... NO). A few days later, he seriously crossed the line again... he actually patted me on the butt as I left a room. Yikes....

    And I'll freely admit I handled the whole thing poorly. I didn't realize there was a problem until then. And when that happened, I got angry... I was in a hallway at that point, and turned around and basically shouted "INAPPROPRIATE. IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOU COULD GET YOURSELF ARRESTED! ... OFFICE, NOW!" ... at which point he started crying and stumbled down to the office.

    A mess all around, and I hate how it all happened. Ultimately, the principal talked with him about how it all could have been a sexual harrassment charge and such, and there wasn't a problem after that. But ... ugh. A learning experience if there ever was one.....
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 15, 2009

    Ron6103, so did you ever find out his motive? Was he outwardly gay & really liked you or trying to butter you up even though you're a male (& he was assumably straight) just to get a good grade in your class?
     
  19. Ron6103

    Ron6103 Habitué

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    831
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 15, 2009

    He was never actually in any of my classes, just my homeroom... he was never getting a grade from me in the 1st place.

    But after talking to the principal and social worker, I think it was a combination of two things... confusion over his sexual orientation, and a lack of any father figures or support system at home (dad skipped town early in life). It's an unfortunate situation really. He barely even has friends at school. When he started coming to the school basketball games, he'd ask to sit near me instead of his peers (that was before the incident... obviously). Now he just doesn't go.

    My heart goes out to him, it really does. But I also value my career, and so have broken all contact. He was moved to another homeroom.
     
  20. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,488
    Likes Received:
    27

    Jun 15, 2009

    Yeah, you feel sorry for kids like that, you know. They're so confused & mixed up & are just going through the motions of life. Hopefully, he finds his way & has a mom and/or relative(s) he's close to.
     

Share This Page

test