Today was a rough day. I mean, yes, it is National Candy and Hormones day, but even so, today was a rooough day. We did a lab that was kind of crazy. It didn't go very smoothly the first few periods, but that's because I wasn't doing so well with explaining the instructions beforehand. I did much better later on in the day. However I was just so frustrated with some of my kids today, it was unreal. First of all, my third period was as rough as ever. The oppositional defiant student in that class was not having a good day. He had been doing much better previously, but maybe it's because I had been cracking down, but I felt it was a failure for him and a failure for me when he decided to not participate in the lab. I called parents all during my prep, because I've been cracking down, and I wanted to get the information about the students behavior out there. I ended up calling about 7 or 8 parents (just to touch base and communicate with them about their students). A couple barely understood what I was saying, and one of the ones I most wanted to reach, I couldn't. Fifth period just drained me. They're great kids, but I didn't have much energy today to begin with and the lab is just hectic as heck. And 6th period is where I put the book down. My instructions were perfect, we did the data collection part of the lab in record time, but when it came time to come in and graph the data, and discuss the results, they completely tuned me out. I gave them a specific amount of time to do the graph, and they all knew what to do. One out of the eight groups did the graphs after repeated efforts by me as I moved around and urged the groups to get to work. What I got as a response was: "I don't feel like it..." I discussed with them that doing labs was a privilege and we would only continue to do them if I felt that they were valuable towards reaching our learning goals. As I was talking, I STILL had people interrupting, (I stopped every time and counted them), and I had people just tuned out and doodling on the graph. I told them that was it. We're not doing the next two labs, and instead we'll be learning from the book. This is just after I had told them yesterday that we can no longer move around out of our seats anymore because there has been vandalization of both my property and others in the classroom. Today I opened up a textbook and found an inappropriate image drawn in it. I'm working and reworking all of my management procedures, but I keep feeling frustrated and that I'm not getting anywhere. Things are not completely out of control like they were last year. Students listen, and I can keep a quiet classroom. For the most part all of the students and I share good relationships. But I don't know what is going on, or why. And then after school I run the afterschool tutoring, and a whole thing there happens with one of my students, where me and him have this whole quiet talk, and I'm trying to convey to him that his mom really cares for him and wants him to reach learning goals, not just get grades. We have a meaningful conversation, and even though this kid has a love-hate relationship with me, (he's very sensitive to consequences) I think we really did a lot of relationship building during this session. So it wasn't all bad today, but even that was just EXHAUSTING. I don't know when I really get good or find something that really works with my management style or my teaching style. I feel like I need to start fresh again and get to know all of my students from scratch. Really show to them that what we're here for is for learning. Not to make a grade, not to just have fun, not to socialize, but I think every piece has its place in my class. But balancing them feels impossible. I'm just so tired. I'm going to go home now and sleep for an hour or two.