Father Daughter Dance Ban

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by KinderCowgirl, Sep 21, 2012.

  1. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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  3. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I agree with this. There are still so many ways that we divide people based on gender. Why not just have a dance where every kid brings a special adult with them?
     
  4. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    I went to one with my step father.
    The local school here has one weekend for mothers/sons and the next weekend for father's and daughters.
     
  5. OhThePlaces

    OhThePlaces Cohort

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    I went to a few father-daughter dances in early elementary school (I think through Girl Scouts?) and loved it. I find the thought of them being banned sad.
     
  6. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Ok I just read the article...it seems so silly!!! I'm sorry but there are some things that we can't do and just have to face that with class. I mean men birth kids so are they going to come after women because we can?!? It just seems so petty. If she didn't like that her daughter couldn't go why not approach the organizers and make it more of a father/daughter or special male (although I'm not sure how you would name it and not seem weird).

    OhthePlaces ... I find it sad as well. It was fun to dress so pretty and I remember my step dad got me a coursage for my wrist....
     
  7. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Beyond all of the legalese, all of the talk of discrimination, stereotypes, state laws, federal laws...how are students affected?

    As someone who did not have a dad to take me to a father/daughter dance (and yes, we had them), I can tell you I would have put on a brave face in public, then spent the evening in my room, heartbroken, crying, and remembering my dad and how I was never going to see him again. I know this because it happened, every Valentine's day.

    It wouldn't have been enough for me, personally, to bring 'someone special'. My friends would have had their dads there, and it would have killed me.

    When a parent is gone from your life, under whatever circumstances, I believe it does not get easier. It gets better, but not easier. I'm 33, and I still struggle with the reality of NEVER seeing him again.

    I don't see the point of alienating some students, to make others happy. There's a simple solution-have a dance whereby ALL students can attend, with whomever they deem important in their lives-and DON'T call it a Father/Daughter dance.
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I absolutely hate the attitude that "if I can't do it, no one should be able to."

    Should we abolish the basketball team because not everyone has the ability to play competitively?? And the Honor Roll because some kids struggle academically?

    It's that same "everyone gets a trophy just for showing up" mentality... that everyone should get exactly the same opportunities, and the same rewards.

    The Pop Hops I attended in high school are memories of my dad I'll always treasure.

    I think the mom in this case missed a real opportunity for a little one on one time with her daughter, and chose to file a suit instead... how sad.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I agree with the above. No school I went to ever had a father daughter dance. I don't like the idea anyway. They don't have mother son dances.
     
  10. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    But there's a difference in not being skilled enough to play basketball, and not being able (emotionally) to attend a dance billed as "Father and Daughter", because your father is dead.

    Have the dance. Call it something else. Those who are able can bring their fathers. Those who aren't can bring their mother, uncle, stepfather, brother, neighbor, whomever.

    For me, my special person would have been my brother-in-law. He's several years older than me, and after my dad died really watched out for me. He walked me down the aisle at my wedding.

    But would I have taken him to a "Father/Daughter" dance? No. Awkward.
     
  11. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Actually, our school has BOTH>>>and you can bring anyone that you like, uncle, friend, grandfather, older brother...you get the point. My daughter doesn't like the noise, so she has only attended one. BUT I think it is great for those that enjoy that special time with their parent.


    The mother/son dance is always more energized than the daddy/daughter one.
     
  12. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    As a teacher who held a sobbing 7 year old in her arms last year because dad was in prison and couldn't come to the dance, I agree such events need to be structured. ""Loving adult and child dance" or something like that.

    Many of these children hurt EVERY day because of the loss of a parent and things like that turn a nagging wound into a stabbing wound. In an environment in which we are trying to nurture and teach children, why, purposefull,y would we make their life harder? Do you think that little girl learned anything that day, or probably days before or after? No, she was too immersed in her grief.

    There are a lot of things we do at school that we need to be sensitive about depending on the children we have.
     
  13. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Well said. Very well said. The grief, for a child, is life encompassing. You can be feeling fine, then BAM-something is said or done, or you see something that reminds you, and the grief, frustration, anger, sadness-just takes over. It's awful

    Everyone has lost someone close to them. I'm not saying anything that you all don't know. But if a school can do something to help calm some of that grief, then I think it should be done.
     
  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    nevermind....
     
  15. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Much easier to understand as an adult than a child. I was so embarrassed by my father growing up that I would sit out of events like this, but it was always so sad for me. I'd sit home crying. I'd never want that for another child or teen. Sure, I was happy for my friends, but that didn't make it such less for me. Knowing that life isn't fair doesn't make it less sad.
     
  16. BettyRubble

    BettyRubble Rookie

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    I have no problem with the ban. I agree there should be one dance where each child brings a special adult - mom, dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, cousin, Big Brother/Big Sister, whoever. I don't understand the need to separate them in this day and age.
     
  17. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Diz, you and I have chatted before, so I know that you don't mean to, but I'm going to be honest-reading that really hurts. To say that it stinks for kids who have lost their father, and that they should just learn their lesson...wow.

    The great thing about being an adult is that I can walk away from this, because it literally has me in tears. I can suck it up, and get over it, and not visit this thread again, which is what I plan to do. Eighteen years of dealing with it has taught me how to bury the feelings I don't care to let out.

    The horrendous part about being a child who has lost a parent is that it doesn't go away, and that child is forced to confront those feelings DAILY at an age where they are not fully capable of doing so. Many times without a lot of support, as family members are often dealing with their own issues and feelings, and don't have the time or capability to help.

    You'd think that school would be a safe place to go and get away from all that baggage. You'd think that if a school could do something very small and insignificant to help ease the pain of students who are dealing with loss, they would. Is it necessary that those lucky ones who have a father have a dance specifically directed to them? What's the benefit? Why can it not be just called something else, and open to anyone-how is that making it less significant??

    I'm sorry-this has really touched a nerve with me. I don't think it's necessary for anyone to be suing anyone over this, but I am deeply disappointed in the reactions when confronted with the--wrongness-of this all.

    I need a break.
     
  18. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    MissC... I understand your point... but as a child we know our families are different whether it's at a dance or just going to school... Divorce and what not has sadly become so common place that I think people are more surprised by the families that are still entact.

    Betty... I think they do it seperately because it starts to be a lot of people in one area... I don't think they are doing it to be mean...but more of a crowd control thing...
     
  19. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    I am sorry KC!!!! I never meant to hurt anyone!!! I don't mean to mean.... I will leave this thread and not make any more comments...

    I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone...
     
  20. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I know that Diz, and I know you well enough to know you don't mean to. I just get really sensitive about this topic. I think it's best if I bow out, just because I obviously have some rather strong feelings about the topic.

    Ultimately, I hope that family in Rhode Island finds the peace they need, however that manifests.
     
  21. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Hugs, kc. Hugs, Diz. Hugs, all.

    I suspect that the original father-daughter dance was instituted because someone saw a need for an event that would explicitly involve men in school. Where I grew up, too, father-son events - sports days and the like - were fairly common, so the father-daughter dance could have been seen as a small corrective.

    I say keep the events - the girls' event, but also the boys' - but rename 'em, in recognition that families are pretty varied.
     

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