Do your students ever hurt your feelings?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by LittleShakespeare, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Apr 6, 2018

    All good advice! However, the greater emotional challenge for me was learning to cope with mean-spirited, incompetent administrators.
     
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  2. Joyful!

    Joyful! Habitué

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    Apr 7, 2018

    A little off topic....but it made me think of this thread....
    One of my students was given a lollipop as a reward in specials. (Yes, I hate this, but it is not my class and it is my colleague's choice.) However, I know he had to be very good to earn it.
    At recess, he brought it to me and said, "I want to give you something, Mrs. Teacher." He pulls the lollipop out of his pocket. I know he doesn't have much or get treats very often, but he was giving what he had. It touched my heart. I told him, "You know Mrs. Teacher is on a diet and can't have sweets, but if I were ever going to have a treat, this would be the best one ever because it came from you. Why don't you eat it, and I'll enjoy that you wanted to share it with me, and I'll enjoy that you are enjoying it. That way we both get joy from one lollipop. Thanks. That was just the nicest gift you could offer me. I appreciate it." He smiled at me and said "OK" and walked off a little taller and happier.
    Sometimes students do things that don't hurt my feelings, but make me feel like I'm getting through. ;)
     
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  3. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 7, 2018

    We are quite special...thanks!

    No way I could do summer. It becomes a free-for-all with no structure, no academics whatsoever. No direct instruction allowed. You have different kids in and out, and of course, the staff/administrators kids drop in too. Nobody follows rules. Playing and eating all day. Candy and junk food becomes the standard fare in place of a healthy breakfast and lunch and snack. Lots of treats throughout the day = sugar rush on top of hyperactive kids. Playing out in the heat of the summer sun means I'm standing there getting UV rays for hours on end. Bumps and bruises, scrapes and bee stings. Field trips with whiners, cries, and always losing things.

    That's IMO, babysitting.

    I have a deep respect for park district summer camp counselors.
     
  4. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Apr 7, 2018

    No you don't, or you wouldn't liken their postition to baby-sitting LOL!!!
     
  5. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 7, 2018

    I beg to differ. I see babysitting as something a friend or family member or paid worker does with 1-5 kids at a time.

    But to work with a large group and have free play activities all day long takes skill, and patience and in that regard I respect park district workers (who are usually teenagers).
     
  6. Ms.Holyoke

    Ms.Holyoke Groupie

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    Apr 8, 2018

    All the time! We did small group work on Thursday and one of my students wanted to work with the para instead of me. He chose to keep his head down the whole period instead of working with me. :(

    My kids usually say thank you when we give them snacks. I would not bring anything in if they didn't/were rude about it and I would correct their behavior/take the treat away if it continues. I student teach in a low SES district.

    In some cases, I think kids are rude because they maybe don't know that they are coming off this way. I was at the board and a student used his hand to tell me to move over, I'm assuming he couldn't see. This came off as rude but I just said "Excuse me Ms..., I can't see, can you please move over?" The kid repeated it and it was fine.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2018
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  7. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Apr 8, 2018

    No. Kids who 'say mean things' are seeking attention, or have other misguided goals. I'm the adult. Their words have no power over me. Shake it off.
     
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  8. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    Apr 8, 2018

    And it's really hard not to take that stuff personally... because we-- for the most part -- know respect and manners, but they don't. It goes back to the important nugget of truth that teachers DON'T just teach academics! I think that's a huge misconception and what drives people OUT of the profession. They think that they can just waltz in there and just teach math and move on...
    SORRY!
    You have to teach and model the behaviors/ expectations that you want to see and do it over and over until the kids get it. It's interesting as the kids get older because a lot of them know, but choose not to do x,y,z, so I tell them too "Fine, this shows me you don't know, so we'll practice.'' When I ask 5th graders to get in line and they all act like wild animals in a zoo... it's not because they don't know, they are choosing to act wild and crazy. So I sit them back down and tell them "Nope, we're going to do it again until it looks and sounds right.'' They HATE it! I get the eye rolls, comments, etc. I eat them right up. But I tell them, ''do it right and we can move on.''
    With the younger kids, they really don't know so it's super important to teach and model... which is why it's so exhausting. Yeah I've subbed enough in Kindergarten to know I would never teach it! You're building that foundation for what school is. In the upper grades we're just tweaking and adding on to what they already know.
    :)
     
  9. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 8, 2018

    I agree, manners and respect has gone out the window. When a kid tries to push past me, I stop them and say, "Excuse me, I am not a chair!" You don't push people! If you need to get by and someone blocks your way you either go around or, you look at them and say, "excuse me please", and then they will move!

    Treats are rewards for good behavior. They should not be a regular occurrence and certainly not an entitlement. It bugs me when a kid has been acting out all day, and when his parent comes...oh he has the nerve to come up to me and say, "Where's my candy?"

    I say, "Treats are for giving, not asking. Now I have a question for you. Do you want me to tell mom how your day went?"

    They shrug their feet and turn around.
     
  10. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    Apr 8, 2018

    And then some kids just shrug and say "I don't care.'' That's always good stuff.
     
  11. TeacherWhoRuns

    TeacherWhoRuns Companion

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    Apr 16, 2018

    Years ago, I was doing a LTS in a first grade class. I had a girl who had a pretty serious physical handicap and was really mean. I tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt, thinking her attitude was probably out of frustration over her limitations, but she'd walk across the room, take things off of other kids' desks, say terrible things to them, hit, you name it. One day during a read aloud, she announced that everyone hated me.
    It shouldn't have, but it really did hurt my feelings.

    As far as kids complaining when you offer them things, I get it. I don't do candy, but we have a ticketing system that gets the kids entries in school-wide treasure box and I've tired to do other little incentives. It seems whatever I do, there are complaints. "I don't want a ticket!" "Is that all we get?" "I don't want a blue pencil. Don't you have Spider Man?" Honestly, I think the ticket thing has become overused and they're getting sick of it, but I'm not spending big bucks on stuff for them. You really don't have to give them anything. If you really analyze it, there are probably a few complainers who are repeat offenders, and many of the kids just go with it and say, "thank you," but it's the rude ones that stick in our minds.
     
  12. TheExProphet

    TheExProphet Rookie

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    Jun 3, 2018

    This year I had a huge problem with snap chat, I have never had a snap chat but I somehow always landed on snap chat.

    I had to develop thick skin by default otherwise I was not going to make it in this career. What I do is that I remind myself how they'll thank me some day. A lot of them do actually, they show it in different ways. Mostly by coming back to visit me, or by taking an interest in my personal life, trying to offer me advice (because they know everything!)

    I think what's important to remember as an educator is that when we all finally make it to retirement and reflect on our many years of work, we'll look back on how many lives we changed, how many young lives we molded, how many bad attitudes we put up with, how many bossy administrators we lived through, how many demanding parents we appeased, how many tears we held back, and how many students we loved.

    How many people can actually do all of that just mentioned?
    Takes a special somebody to do what we do.
     
  13. TrademarkTer

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    Jun 3, 2018

    If you've never had Snap Chat, how do you know you always landed on Snap Chat? I don't have Snap Chat so I couldn't tell you if I've landed on there. I also can't imagine students offering me advice on my personal life....mainly because I don't reveal much about my personal life to them. I'm always wary of that.
     
  14. TheExProphet

    TheExProphet Rookie

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    Jun 3, 2018

    The other students show me, the one's that think it's cool to show me what the other students are up to. I do share selective personal things about myself because it helps me connect better with the students. Granted my students are older, most of my students are 18+. I work at an alternative school :)
     
  15. pommom

    pommom Comrade

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    Jun 3, 2018

    What does thick skin have to do with snap chat?
    I never have had a snap chat account, but I actually hate it because students are obsessed over it.
     
  16. TheExProphet

    TheExProphet Rookie

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    Students make memes on snapchat. As you could imagine a lot of the time those memes consist of mocking people. Aside from that, students are not supposed to be recording teacher's. Not only have they now broken a rule, but they've disrespected you by mocking you on social media.
     
  17. anna9868

    anna9868 Habitué

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    Jun 4, 2018


    This is such an interesting thread! I'm glad at least someone mentioned the Land of Special Education!

    Hey, I have a recipe for those whose feelings get hurt from what "normally developing" kids say. Become a parent of either 1 or more of special needs children. Or better yet, kids with emotional problems, such as, children with autism, anxiety disorder, ADHD, OCD and others. Live and raise them 24/7 , and I will guarantee you will not remember after 5-7 years that you ever had a problem of hurt feelings. In fact, you will probably forget by that time what the term "hurt feelings" mean.

    And the reason is because with emotionally disturbed children in almost all the cases you deal with anxiety, your kids' hurt feelings and complete misunderstanding from the outside world, and so on. And guess, who is the person that your child (hopefully!) feels most comfortable in confiding and sharing his hurt feelings? it's you, the parent. And that's why those who work or live with special needs children often make the most patient teachers.
     
  18. anna9868

    anna9868 Habitué

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    Jun 4, 2018

    on a more serious note, I would advise those who have the problem of hurt feelings to help out as volunteer with special needs children , teaching or simply helping out in some classroom. Choose rooms where really challenged kids are, spend a few days with them. You may then look at the things that "normally developing" kids tell you in a whole new light.
     
  19. tchr4vr

    tchr4vr Companion

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    Jun 4, 2018

    In all my years, I've never had any student be rude about treats--I almost always get a thank you, sometimes even as a class. If they don't say thank you, then they say nothing. I have had students make suggestions--like "next time, I'd love more chocolate," or "I like Tootsie Rolls better." I don't take it personally. They are simply letting me know--we all have preferences. And they never expect a next time--they just hope for one.
     
  20. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jun 12, 2018

    I'm sorry to hear that your students hurt your feelings. If it were me and my students were old enough to understand how to be appreciative, but were mean to me when I did something extra, I would not bring treats anymore.

    ETA: My third year teaching is the only time I recall going through something similar to you. When I was giving out some treat to the second graders a student said, "These are just (whatever it was). That's not a big deal. I've got a whole box of these at home."

    I also used to buy items from the dollar store and put them in the class treasure chest. A few of the students would turn their noses up and say, "These toys came from the DOLLAR STORE."

    Because it was only a small number and they were young, I continued to give out treats. If it had been most of the class, if I couldn't help them to understand gratitude, I would reduce and eventually stop giving out treats.
     

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