Discouraged/Depressed :(

Discussion in 'Prayer Request Forum' started by Alyssa20, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. Alyssa20

    Alyssa20 Rookie

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    Dec 6, 2017

    I've been very depressed lately due to the CSET Subtest II :( if you look at my prior posts...they're mainly all about that. What has made me more depressed is that many CSU's have passed the Liberal Studies CSET Waiver (Liberal Study Graduates don't have to take the CSETS). I just graduated this past May with a degree in Child Development. The reason why I majored in Child Development is because it used to be (until just recently) that everyone had to take the CSETS regardless if you were a Libs major. I figured I would get my degree in Child Development in hopes that employers will see this and keep me with the younger kids (K-3), and if I couldn't pass the CSET then I could still work with kids.

    But now...I feel like it's just a slap in my face...the year I graduated is the year that they implemented a liberal studies waiver. I'd much rather take math/science courses any day than take exams. I passed my HS and College math/science with B's and C's, and that was because it was a class where we had plenty of homework/review to help us. But with the CSET Subtest II I feel lost...so much material to cover...with no homework to back me up and no teacher to ask for help. I've been feeling desperate, that I even contacted a few CSU'S to see if I can get a 2nd bachelor degree. But to my luck....they don't allow students who already have a bachelor degree to get another one in a different subject. I feel hopeless...I began looking for Child Development careers only to find their salary to be completely ridiculous. The most they make annually is around $30-40k, and that's not enough to support a family and buy a house (especially in California). I honestly don't understand how Preschool teachers survive...I assume they all must have wealthy spouses.

    I just need prayers...I'm a religious person and lately I've been feeling it's just not fate for me to be a teacher :( . I worked so hard...I'm even in a CSU Teaching Credential Program now. But...I wish I wasn't. I wish I would've passed my CSETS first...because the credential program has been demanding and I feel overwhelmed. It's just I want to start my life now :( I know I am 24 (soon 25) and many people feel I have a lot of time still....but I feel tired of always waiting and being in school. I want a career, a house, and to start a family. I'm not materialistic...I don't want a mansion...just a nice 1,200-2,000 sq ft house (which is about $300-400k in certain cities in California...the cheapest...majority of cities is $500k plus). And now simple things such as that seem so unreachable. How can I ever have children if I can't provide for them? I grew up in a family that has always had financial struggles (neither of my parents have a degree), I don't want my future children to have the same childhood as I did. I feel I can't ever have kids if I can't provide them with a nice house and a financially stable life.

    I'm so depressed...I am on depression meds...but I dont even feel they help...some days (like today) life doesnt feel worth it. And just my belief in God/Heaven/Hell keeps me alive but dead inside...because I'm much too afraid of Hell to ever commit suicide. I guess I just need prayers :( sorry for the long post, but if you read even some of it, thank you.
     
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  3. Obadiah

    Obadiah Habitué

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    Dec 6, 2017

    I will be praying for you. If you haven't already done so, I would strongly advise receiving professional counseling. Because of your religious beliefs, perhaps meeting with a clergyman would prove beneficial, someone who would lend a listening ear.
     
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  4. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Comrade

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    Dec 6, 2017

    Your post made me tear up. I really want you to pass because you sound like a dedicated teacher who would work miracles in the classroom! Please don’t give up on life! Your students would lose out on a great instructor. I know it may seem like you’ve hit a roadblock, but life is filled with many challenges and though they may seem insurmountable, you will persevere in the end. I know you will beat this thing.

    Have you considered hiring a tutor? If that is outside your budget you might benefit from watching YouTube videos or trying Khan Academy. What kind of learner are you?
     
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  5. Alyssa20

    Alyssa20 Rookie

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    Dec 12, 2017 at 10:47 AM

    Thank you both for your kind responses; I really appreciate it! I am starting to study for it now, thankfully I have a friend who offered to help me who is good at math/science. I am hoping for the best! I have my exam scheduled January 22nd, so I feel a month will be sufficient enough time to study.
     
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  6. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Comrade

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    Dec 12, 2017 at 11:06 AM

    This sounds like a great plan. Good luck studying!!! :);)
     

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