Behavior plan vent

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by Danny'sNanny, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. Danny'sNanny

    Danny'sNanny Connoisseur

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    Oct 26, 2010

    I have a student that is just desperate for attention - new baby at home, plus now Mom is working full time, so he is at school for about 10 hours a day with before and after care. He gets no help with homework - even to the point where he fills out his own book logs, but no one will sign them.

    I know that they are busy. I know that the Mom is stressed. But he is so desperate for someone to listen to what he is saying, for some attention... and as much as I try and give him, he's sharing me with 15 other kids...

    He calls out ALL THE TIME, and I needed an easy way to get that under control. So I started giving him tallies on a post it note every time he called out. If he gets less than 5, he gets a sticker at the end of the day. Nothing fancy, but it put a number to things, and really was helping. He is earning a sticker 3 to 4 days a week now.

    Well, Mom just decided that if he doesn't earn a sticker, he loses his entire recess the next day. Didn't ask me, didn't discuss it with me (even though I have had 2 conferences with her in the last two weeks). Sitting out of recess is NOT an appropriate consequence for this kid - he NEEDS that unstructured active time. I almost NEVER take a whole recess - a few minutes here and there, but not the whole thing.

    I wanted this to be a positive system, not a negative one, but now that she has told the child that this is the way it is going to be, I don't feel like I can go back on what she decided. Grrrrrrrrrrr...

    So I guess I need to call Mom again. I just wish she would have brought this up at our conference, instead of emailing me a few hours later. Then I could have explained what I didn't like about the plan, offered some alternatives, before she laid it down for her child.
     
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  3. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Oct 26, 2010

    Can you discuss his need for her time? I feel so sad for this child. Can you find a mentor for him?
     
  4. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Oct 27, 2010

    This may be a child who needs to see the social worker due to home issues. Sometimes our social worker will make an except for a child in this type of situation for awhile.

    The buddy idea seems like a good one. Maybe that is something that he can earn. Then he could talk with another adult, older student, even a peer in the school at sometime during the day.
     
  5. Danny'sNanny

    Danny'sNanny Connoisseur

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    Oct 27, 2010

    I've talked with her, the principal has talked with her... I think she is just struggling to find the balance with new marriage, new baby, new job. It would be stressful for anyone.

    When we've tried to talk with her about quality time, she goes of on a rant about how they give him everything he wants - video games, 4wheelers, etc.

    I tried to explain that while 4 wheelers can be a fun family activity, it is not the same as TALKING! Turn off the radio and talk in the car on the way out to wherever you're riding!

    We do have buddies with a big kid class, and he really loves that time. We picked a really great kid for his buddy - someone who could be a good role model.
     
  6. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Stick with your stickers and really work with mom to find a more appropriate consequence. See if she is willing to tie in the consequence at home instead of taking away recess.

    Maybe take some data on if losing recess makes the behavior worse. Then you would need to opt out of this option because it doesn't help. If you even want to try it for a few days.
     
  7. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Why does mom get to decide the consequences in YOUR classroom?:confused:
     
  8. diana

    diana Rookie

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    Oct 27, 2010

    What a crock that the mom thinks it's okay for her punishment decision to be doled out during school time. I would never think to do something that ballsy to my children's teachers. Can you tell the mother that school policy says students must have a daily recess?
     
  9. TeacherApr

    TeacherApr Groupie

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Exactly! I would "thank" her for her advice but you have your classroom management already in place. I would then suggest for her to start setting up a reward system at home.
     
  10. Elocin

    Elocin Comrade

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    Oct 27, 2010

    I was going to say the same thing. I understand she is overwhelmed and stressed, but it seems like she wants to avoid having to deal with discipline at home and wants it all to be done at school.

    What happens if he sits out recess? Are you resposible for supervising him?
     
  11. Yank7

    Yank7 Habitué

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Try to explain to the mom that it is essential that you set up the consequences for her child in school as well as it is her responsibility to set up consequences at home for her son.
    She is under a great deal of pressure and could use the support of the social service and guidance department in your school.
     
  12. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Oct 27, 2010

    "Sorry, Mrs. Smith, but I'm afraid that won't work. In my years of teaching, I've found that denying kids recess inevitably means MORE misbehavior afterwards. We give kids recess because, developmentally, at that age they're not able to sit still for the whole day."
     
  13. cruiserteacher

    cruiserteacher Comrade

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Whenever parents think students should lose recess for something I don't agree with, I always say it's against school policy. I strongly feel the students need recess also.
     
  14. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Oct 27, 2010

    I would address BOTH issues here: the fact that she thinks she can dictate what your classroom management is like and then the fact that the child needs recess. Make sure that you lay down the law (politely, of course) that YOU make the rules in the classroom first. So when you shoot down the no-recess idea afterward, she cannot come up with a different punishment for you to dole out.
     
  15. Danny'sNanny

    Danny'sNanny Connoisseur

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    Oct 27, 2010

    Today was the first day he's had to sit out. It worked all right, because he had some unfinished work to take outside, and he got some extra attention from me as I helped him with it.

    However, I don't want him to get what he wants (attention) from doing what I don't want (misbehaving and calling out in class).

    I haven't sent out the email to Mom yet, am still working at making it sound right before I press the send button! ;)
     

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