Are today's parents really RAISING their kids?

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by scholarteacher, May 19, 2017.

  1. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2008
    Messages:
    1,666
    Likes Received:
    31

    May 19, 2017

    I wonder if anyone else--especially in other parts of the country--see a trend of parents being irresponsible and negligent with their kids. I know there are special circumstances, but overall, I see the kids in my area being brought to school an hour late, not completing any homework, not wearing sufficient and/or decent clothing to school, not being taught responsibility, parents making excuses for their behavior, etc. Parents have literally told me that they won't read to their child at home--that's the teacher's job. Kids can hit others, flip the bird to the teacher, be disrespectful, etc., and parents don't do one thing about it. Rather, they make excuses for their little darlings and get mad at me for implying that the little angel could ever do anything wrong. And this is kindergarten! Does anyone else see this? (I'm in the southeast US.)
     
    Obadiah, anon55 and AmyMyNamey like this.
  2.  
  3. Backroads

    Backroads Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,987
    Likes Received:
    731

    May 19, 2017

    I think in general we have plenty of parents doing a fine job with what they have, but yes, I do have cases where I wonder.

    I even have one case where Grandma, who comes in weekly to volunteer, flat-out told me her daughter is tired of being a mom and sees Kiddo as a friend rather than a daughter. Kiddo is 7. While Mom is nice and a good person from what I can gather, I have seen enough that I wonder why Kiddo is as responsible and decent as she is with Mom not really wanting to be Mom.

    I may have mentioned it here before, but years ago a letter to the editor was basically calling for teachers to raise their kids.
     
    Obadiah and AmyMyNamey like this.
  4. WarriorPrncss

    WarriorPrncss Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2014
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    11

    May 19, 2017

    I had a handful of parents get upset because I stopped giving homework during the 2nd quarter... I don't remember exact wording but was basically told by every one that it was a babysitter so they could do other things without their child distracting them.
     
    Obadiah, AmyMyNamey and Luv2TeachInTX like this.
  5. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Messages:
    4,704
    Likes Received:
    189

    May 19, 2017

    I thought that was what TV and technology was for. ;-)
     
    Obadiah, AmyMyNamey and Peregrin5 like this.
  6. rpan

    rpan Companion

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2017
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    131

    May 19, 2017

    I have a student who plays truant all the time, is rude and disruptive, stirs up the other kids to rebel against the teacher. His mom is an aide in another school. We have phoned multiple times, emailed multiple times, called her place of work multiple times. Mom does not want to know about what her kid is up to. Prefers to stick her head on the sand and pretend it's not happening. Kid is not all bad and his behaviour has escalated recently due to a recent traumatic event to his close friends. he desperately needs help from a professional and a mother who takes an interest; he is on the path to self destruction. I can't believe mom thinks the problem will go away if she doesn't respond to us.
     
    Obadiah, BioAngel and AmyMyNamey like this.
  7. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Aficionado

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    3,518
    Likes Received:
    425

    May 19, 2017

    It's disgusting. I really hope things turn around because we can't have these kids growing up like this.
     
    Obadiah, AmyMyNamey and Peregrin5 like this.
  8. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2011
    Messages:
    5,590
    Likes Received:
    824

    May 19, 2017

    A resounding yes. I had parents the other day justify their students' use of violence in my classroom, because another kid flipped his phone out of his hand, all of which happened in a split second, and why didn't I do anything about that (even though he could have sat elsewhere because it was free seating, they are friends and showed no sign of conflict before, and I was across the room). According to the father, he would have punched the kid in the nose. I was lucky all that happened was a headlock.

    Some people should just not procreate.
     
    Obadiah, BioAngel and AmyMyNamey like this.
  9. kellzy

    kellzy Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2013
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    26

    May 19, 2017

    I think it depends on the demographic. My friend, also a teacher, works in an upper class, suburban, primarily 'white' school. What you are describing is the story of her life. My school, on the other hand, is the poorest in the state. I am white and the only white person in the classroom. My classes are always populated entirely with minority, immigrant, and refugee children. Parents not raising their kids is not an issue in my school. For example, two years ago one of my Latino students had a C on his report card. I have no idea what his mother said to him, considering she was speaking in Spanish, but the next day he came in and handed me a stack of make up work. She made him do it even though it was too late to fix the grade.
     
    Obadiah, BioAngel and AmyMyNamey like this.
  10. Janedo5513

    Janedo5513 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2014
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    6

    May 19, 2017

    Yes. Yes. and Yes! Not only that but they blame you if their child acts up. All I could do was record everything in our system so if anything happened, I had covered my butt.
     
  11. rpan

    rpan Companion

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2017
    Messages:
    191
    Likes Received:
    131

    May 19, 2017

    Its hard to expect students whose parents do not model accountability in their actions (its always someone's fault if there is a screw up e.g. the teacher's fault) to be accountable in their actions, when they have hardly seen it in action. When we call out the student's behaviour, its always someone else distracting them, someone else making them laugh, someone else told them to spill ink on the floor etc. These students will grow up, have their own kids and the problem perpetuates. Vicious cycle.
     
    Obadiah and AmyMyNamey like this.
  12. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2011
    Messages:
    5,371
    Likes Received:
    331

    May 19, 2017

    I wonder if part of this change is due to parents working more/longer hours. In my area, the COL has gone up exponentially and a lot of people are having to take on second jobs, or more is being asked of them at their current jobs. I've even heard other teachers say something to the effect of feeling so guilty that they don't get to spend enough time with their kids that they want the time they do get to be "happy/pleasant/fun." They don't want to spend their limited time disciplining and dealing with an angry/upset kid. Same with people that are divorced and sharing custody.

    Of course there are always people that are just flat out negligent as well (yes, we have many of those at my school).
     
    Obadiah likes this.
  13. viola_x_wittrockiana

    viola_x_wittrockiana Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2016
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    48

    May 20, 2017

    I saw a lot of that with my peers growing up. My classmates had corporate parents who let daycare raise the kids because they're afraid that their child won't like them if they discipline. But, these were the same parents who'd pitch a fit if the school or daycare disciplined either, so the kids end up with no firm boundaries and no sense of accountability.
    My favorite was the 7th grader we were about to start the ADHD evaluation process for, then halted after we talked to his parents. The kid was bouncing off the walls because they let him have Red Bull at breakfast. :rolleyes: They had no idea it wasn't for kids. *facepalm*
     
    Obadiah likes this.
  14. justwanttoteach

    justwanttoteach Cohort

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2013
    Messages:
    551
    Likes Received:
    67

    May 20, 2017

    I think there is definitely a change in the parenting styles. We talk about this all the time at my school site. I teach in a high poverty area. One of my Co-Workers pointed out something that I thought was interesting: We are now seeing the effects of kids having kids. This is not to say that all young parents are irresponsible and that older parents have it together. But it is an interesting thought. These kids were raised by people who were kids themselves. This is compounded by a lack of support or parental involvement. Some of our kids are so broken and damaged they dont even realize it. They have seen things that no one should have to see. The level of trauma some of our kids experience breaks my heart. I think the old saying: It takes a village is 100% correct.
     
    Obadiah, Caesar753 and Backroads like this.
  15. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    13,705
    Likes Received:
    1,305

    May 21, 2017

    I really hate this phrase.
     
    Mrs. K. likes this.
  16. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Aficionado

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,572
    Likes Received:
    454

    May 21, 2017

    Yes, yes, yes!
     
  17. Backroads

    Backroads Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,987
    Likes Received:
    731

    May 22, 2017

    I totally agree. Yet I hear so many parents these days with these cute one-liners about how they don't want the village involved. They may have good intentions, but they're destroying the cohesive respect needed for communities and the individuals in them.
     
  18. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    13,705
    Likes Received:
    1,305

    May 22, 2017

    I go back and forth about my opinion on this topic. I think that every generation thinks that the next generation is sooooooo bad. Even the ancient Romans talked about "kids today" being so disrespectful and whatnot. I do, however, think that I do see a degradation of parenting skills along with what seems like kids growing up too quickly (which may be the result of poor parenting). I'm not sure if it's a generational thing, a socioeconomic thing, a cultural thing, a regional thing, or something else entirely, but I do see it.
     
    Obadiah likes this.
  19. viola_x_wittrockiana

    viola_x_wittrockiana Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2016
    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    48

    May 22, 2017

    To some extent it is. I'm an old millenial (depending on who you ask) with parents from the boomer and silent generations. At least in the earlier years, I was raised on a much tighter leash than my classmates with younger parents. Our teachers used to think we were overly timid/shy because we were raised that children are to be seen and not to be heard. At the same time, we heard all about how we had it so much easier because our grandparents were stricter with them.
    I think each generation is getting more permissive, but somewhere along the line a segment of parents backlash reacted towards "helicopter parenting". I think another part of it is that the children who grew up in dysfunctional families are having children without the benefit of a model of functional parenting. There's so much judgement these days that it's hard to seek advice.
     
    Obadiah likes this.
  20. GPC0321

    GPC0321 Companion

    Joined:
    May 24, 2015
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    120

    May 22, 2017

    I go back and forth a lot as well, and like you, I believe every generation thinks the one coming up is the ruination of civilization as we know it.
    As for them "growing up too fast", I'm not sure about that either. In my mind "growing up" means becoming more like an adult, being given more responsibility, having expectations and facing consequences when those expectations are not met. In those areas, I'm afraid children are actually staying children much longer now than they once did. Heck, when I was in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, the seniors in our K-12 school actually drove the school buses! This was the late 80's. Imagine them allowing seniors in high school to drive bus loads of students to and from school in this day and age! Yikes!
     
  21. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    13,705
    Likes Received:
    1,305

    May 22, 2017

    There is definitely an odd combination of early maturity and prolonged immaturity. When I think of how kids dressed when I was in high school, it didn't include extreme contouring, blow-outs, 6-inch heels. It was okay to have frizzy hair, braces, and some of that little-kid chubbiness that often accompanies early puberty.
     

Share This Page

test