Am I in the wrong?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by DrivingPigeon, Aug 7, 2015.

  1. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Aug 7, 2015

    Alright, my level-headed AtoZ teacher friends-I need your honest opinions.

    My in-laws live about 90 minutes away. On Wednesday afternoon, they called my husband and mentioned that they were coming to town on Thursday (they live in a small town, and often come to my city to shop). They wanted to stop by and see my daughter while they were in town.

    The problem is, I had plans with a friend. She lives about 45 minutes away, and we were planning on taking our babies to a children's museum, getting lunch, and going to a sidewalk sale. We have been planning this for about 3 weeks now. She is going on vacation next week, and then I go back to work, so our time to visit the children's museum together this summer is very limited.

    I talked to my MIL, explained that I had plans, and said that I would be leaving home around 10:30, and they were welcome to visit before that. She said, "Have a great time. Maybe we will connect, but not a problem if we can't."

    Since they live out of town and don't get to see my LO a lot, I wanted to try to accommodate them if I could, without changing my plans. So I texted her on Thursday morning at 9:15 and said, "She (LO) just woke up, and we're leaving in about an hour if you wanted to stop by and say hi!" She said, "We just left home so we will see you next time."

    So, that was that, and I continued on with my plans. Well, at around 10:45, DH calls from work and says, "My parents are almost at our house." I was surprised, because I told my MIL that I was leaving at 10:15, and she said "See you next time." :confused: I told him about the conversation, and he said that he was really disappointed that I couldn't have changed my plans, since his parents don't get to see our LO very often. I called my FIL later that night, and he said that they were bummed out when they pulled in our driveway and saw that I wasn't there.

    Am I seriously missing something here??? :dizzy: Was I in the wrong for not canceling my plans to accommodate their impromptu visit to town? Making plans with a baby is really tough, and I didn't think it was fair to keep my friend waiting for an extra 1-2 hours.

    I would just let it go, but I know that my in-laws will most likely hold it against me for a while. I guarantee my MIL cried about it. :unsure:
     
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  3. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I wouldn't give it another thought. They knew what time they had to be there to see you. They can make an effort at another time to see you.
     
  4. MLB711

    MLB711 Comrade

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    Aug 7, 2015

    You communicated your plans clearly to your MIL and it seems like she understood that you would not be home when they arrived. However it sure sounds like she did not tell that to your FIL. I highly doubt he would have driven to your house had he known you would not be there. Normal people don't show up when they know no one is home. It's not fair of anyone to expect you to change your plans, ESPECIALLY with a baby.

    I agree with TeacherNY. They can contact you to make plans that fit both of your schedules.
     
  5. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I guess I disagree. If it was only a matter of changing the time with your friend instead of cancelling, I think that would have been the better thing to do to avoid these bad feelings. Maybe you should arrange a time before you go back to school to go visit them.
     
  6. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I don't think you were wrong. My comment to your husband would have been that I was sorry, too, but it was hard enough to find a time that worked. I believe you are being sensitive about this because there was really no good solution. Someone would be disappointed no matter what you chose to do. I'm sure if you cancelled on your friend you would also be feeling uncomfortable with the whole thing.

    Not knowing your in-laws, but knowing the way you described the situation, you may have been better off at leaving it at "no" instead of even mentioning the possibility of them stopping by in the morning. There are two reasons for this. First, they probably got their hopes up that you would be running late and they had a chance to see their grandchild. Second, if they did manage to stop by before you were to leave to meet your friend, that would not have been sufficient time for them. They would probably have dragged the visit out and it would have caused resentment on both sides.
     
  7. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I don't think you were wrong. You had plans.


    I agree with this, too.
     
  8. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I don't think you were wrong. I do think, that in an effort to maintain good relations, you could plan a special day to go visit them. I'm a pleaser though.
     
  9. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Aug 7, 2015

    You did nothing wrong.

    Can you go visit them next week one day before you go back to school?

    I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them. Is it possible to spend a couple of days with them so they can have their fill of their grandbaby?
     
  10. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    The OP said her friend lives a distance away, is going on vacation next week and then she is going back to school. It might not be possible to reschedule. Unless I needed to see an ailing relative, I would not change plans.
     
  11. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Devotee

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    Aug 7, 2015

    You told them more than once about your plans, so I don't know why they even showed up. They knew you weren't going to be home! Plus, you ALREADY HAD PLANS!
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I totally agree. For people (family or not) to tell someone ONLY ONE DAY IN ADVANCE that they're coming over, I wouldn't appreciate that nor feel bad in the least if I already had plans. Who tells someone one day in advance?!

    My parents & I are going to be having relatives visiting soon & we know they're coming just about a MONTH before the time. I'm not saying everyone needs a month in advance, but in my parents & my positions we like having that kind of notice. I want to purchase a new lamp & some other things to spruce up the house, have the carpet guy come out, of course tidy up every room, etc.
     
  13. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    Aug 7, 2015

    I don't think you were wrong. You already had something planned and they didn't give you advance notice. You are not required to change your plans just to make your in-laws happy. 90 minutes is not that far away. They can schedule a time to come visit another day.
     
  14. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Aug 8, 2015

    My mom does this a lot. One day she'll say, oh we're going to your brother's house to see the new baby so you can come too. Last minute! Turns out she usually knows for a week and fails to tell me. Then I tell her I have plans and she's grumpy. I just told my siblings if they want me to come over do NOT have mom relay the message! Plans get botched that way LOL
     
  15. Gerelt

    Gerelt Rookie

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    Aug 10, 2015

    YOu did nothing wrong, your in laws can reschedule their shopping.
     
  16. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Aug 10, 2015

    The in laws should not have guilted you after they clearly understood your prior plans. Don't let them get away with it now or you'll be in trouble in the future.
     
  17. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 10, 2015

    I'm not a grandparent, but I do think GPs are different than an acquaintance or friend calling last minute. I'm grateful my parents and in laws adore my kids as much as DH and I do....that said, I wouldn't have cancelled my plans and I think you did what you could to accommodate their request into your schedule.
    Just don't escalate the family drama (as they seem to have...maybe they misunderstood your schedule?). I'd give them the benefit of a doubt. Give them a call and schedule a grandparent snuggle visit...they might even be willin to hang out with your little sweetie while you run some before school errands! :thumb:
     
  18. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Aug 10, 2015

    :yeahthat: I, too, believe that grandparents should get a little slack. Not asking you to change everything in your plans, but throwing out an alternate date and time would be a very nice gesture. My son grew up with a single set of GP's and they were sometimes demanding, but also extremely supportive, always in the audience when performing, always super enthusiastic about what a good job he did. My IL's were marching to a different drummer than me, so there were awkward moments, feelings could be hurt. I told myself, every time that happened, "my son is so lucky to have grandparents who love him." It helped me feel better, because I grew up with grandparents who meant the world to me. I am sure that you want your children to have a warm and fuzzy experience like that.
     
  19. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Aug 10, 2015

    I don't think you did anything wrong. If it was me, I would call anyway and try to figure out a time to get together before school starts. Is there something halfway that you could meet to do? Or could thru come spend the afternoon one day and then all go to eat dinner or something?
     
  20. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 13, 2015

    You were 100% right and "a little bit wrong" at the same time. There is no way you will win with this. Just let it roll off your back like water off the back of a duck. Just say sorry to husband, and drop it.
     
  21. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 13, 2015

    It's nice to 'see' you again Dave!
     

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